If it's Sunday, it must be Walking Dead recap day! For the next two weeks, anyway, and THEN what am I going to do? Spend time with my family? Pursue some healthful form of exercise? Read a personally enriching novel? MY GOD IT'S TOO HORRIBLE TO CONTEMPLATE.
So where were we: Oh right, things were still coming to a head between Rick's gang and the Governor. Man, we've been working up to this all season, haven't we? Rick had just received the Governor's ultimatum regarding Michonne, and the survivors were gearing up for war. Also, Andrea still had that annoying one-button shirt thing going. (Who wears a fitted button-down during the apocalypse? Even Daryl's like screw it, I'mma turn this big-ass Southwestern-themed rug into a damn comfy zombie poncho.)
Here's what happened in tonight's episode -- and as always, spoilers ahead.
We start out with a flashback to the good old days when Michonne and Andrea were camped out in the woods along with their armless, jawless zombie protectors. (Side note: how shitty would it be to sleep with those things snarling and moaning ten feet from your head?) Andrea asks where Michonne got these particular walkers, anyway: De-Limbed Shambling Dead Things "R" Us? Michonne glowers for a minute before hissing, "They deserved what they got. They weren't human to begin with." Oooh, some creepy backstory there.
Cut to the Governor back in Woodbury, preparing what seems to be a nice little torture chamber for Michonne. He checks the shackles he's set up -- the same ones taken from Michonne's walkers? -- then lovingly lays out a bunch of extremely nasty-looking instruments, including a speculum. This scene seems to be a nod to the comics, in which some VERY bad things happen to Michonne at the hand (and, uh, other body parts) of the Governor, and while I doubt they're going to go there to that extreme in the show, the instruments are a chilling sight indeed.
(In fact, I don't WANT them to go there, but I am reminded of Michonne's broken, bleeding response in the books when he says he's glad to see her crying. She tells him she's not crying for herself, she's crying for for him -- because thinking of all the things she's going to do to the Governor scares her. Michonne: the ultimate bad ass.)
Elsewhere, Milton tells Andrea that there is no deal, the Governor's planning to slaughter everyone whether or not they hand over Michonne. Milton and Andrea spy on the Governor's Red Room of Pain through a window -- where, by the way, they seem TOTALLY VISIBLE, but whatever -- and Andrea briefly takes aim before Milton wrestles her gun away. "I knew Philip before he became the Governor," Milton says. "That man still exists!" Um, maybe back when he could unwind by creepily petting off the rotting scalp of his zombie daughter's head, Milton. The dude's crazier than Brandon on Survivor now.
Andrea heads off to warn Rick about how there's a big fight coming, because apparently she hasn't been watching this entire third season of The Walking Dead, and she's briefly stopped by Tyreese and Sasha on the guard wall. "The Governor's not what he seems!" she says, omitting the part about how INCREDIBLY LONG it took her to realize this.
She's off and running towards the prison, but the Governor's hot on her trail with his trunk. He chases her across a field, repeatedly honking the horn. Beep beep! Just a dolphin, ma'am! Andrea makes it to an abandoned warehouse and then instead of skirting the building and heading off into the woods on the other side she goes inside. What the FUCK, Andrea. Have you never seen a horror movie EVER? Why not just twist your ankle next, or take a long, sensuous shower?
The Governor stalks Andrea all through the warehouse, while occasionally whistling something that sounds oddly like Rue's tune from the Hunger Games. Do doo do doo dooooo. Andrea keeps evading him, occasionally dispatching zombies with her knife, then at the last minute she manages a handy trick where she hides behind a stairwell door while a mess of walkers come pouring out directly into the Governor's path. Grudging respect for that move, Andrea. I still hate your stupid shirt, though.
Back at the walker pit, where Martinez has taken Tyreese's gang to help him round up biters to attack the prison, Tyreese puts his foot down. There are women and children in that prison, man! This ain't right! His onetime buddy Allen tussles with him because 1) he doesn't want to rock the boat with this good thing he's got going with Woodbury, and 2) there's all kinds of bad blood between him and Tyreese on account of Tyreese once saved Allen's wife which shamed him in front of his son, and wait, what? Isn't Donna dead now anyway? Let's let horribly depressing bygones be bygones, Allen!
Andrea makes it nearly all the way to the prison and starts waving to get Rick's attention. Hooray, all's well that ends -- oh, crap! The Governor, having manfully fought off like fifty walkers, tackles her out of nowhere and slams her to the ground. "Shhhh," the Governor hisses. Rick, stationed on lookout, thinks he sees something, but ends up shaking his head ruefully at what he probably assumes is just another vision of Lori continuing to suck as a character even after her death.
Back at the zombie pit, an unknown individual torches all the walkers. Way to go, Tyreese! Although the flame-broiled zombies are super disgusting and almost kind of pitiful. The Governor confronts Tyreese back in Woodbury, and lies that the pit walkers were just a scare tactic and were never intended to kill people. Tyreese is all, gosh, sir, I sure am sorry for doubting you! Let's never fight again! Okay, says the Governor, but just one more thing: where'd you get the gasoline?
"Come again?" Tyreese says, legitimately confused, and the Governor's eyes narrow. Milton.
Finally, as the soundtrack swells -- this is new, isn't it? Using a song in a prominent way during the show? -- we get a long, creepy shot that ends up with Andrea, bound and gagged in the Governor's torture chair. And that's where we leave things, with two episodes left to go.
What did you think of tonight's episode? I confess I found it a little tiresome -- like, okay, it's great that Andrea's finally past the point of gazing doe-eyed at the Governor and all, but they've been teasing a showdown for WAY too long at this point. Let's get to the battle already!
Image via AMC