Marriage Ultimatums Are a Complete Mistake for Everyone

engagement ringAt the launch party for Sports Illustrated’s 2013 swimsuit issue, Chrissy Teigen said that her fiance John Legend has until the end of the year to tie the knot or she’s putting on her stiletto walking boots. Happy Valentine’s Day! This relationship will self-destruct in T minus 10 months. 

Apparently the model and the musician have been an item for seven years, and they’ve been engaged since December 2011, but they “keep pushing the date.” So, Chrissy said, “If it’s not this year, I’m out.” 

Hmmmm. Seven years IS a pretty long time even for normal humans -- in celebrity years, that’s like a century! -- but I still don’t think it’s a smart move to make an ultimatum like that, especially in public. I mean, first of all, who wants to marry somebody you feel like you’re dragging to the altar? Talk about un-romantic!

It’s one thing to sit down with your boyfriend/partner/fiance and have a conversation about where things are headed, whether or not your visions of the future match up, and how you feel about said future. It’s an entirely different thing to draw a line in the sand and say, "THIS better happen by THIS date or it’s over." That just puts him on the defensive, and even if he does "comply," is that really how you want things to happen in your relationship? Do you really want to talk down the aisle with someone who may or may not really have his heart in it?

No, you do not.

Second, I hate this whole tired cliche of the woman being the gung-ho one about getting married while her man is all clueless and reluctant. BARF! That’s not the way it has to -- or should -- be, but for some reason people like Chrissy are still totally comfortable talking about relationships in those terms. Even if she’s "kidding," it’s not funny -- and I doubt she’s totally kidding, though she did sort of back-track and turn the whole thing into a joke. "You know, I’m doing it backwards," she said as a follow-up. "I’m going to get de-engaged, then have a baby, then get married."

HA! Oh the celebs, they really are just like us.

Have you ever made an ultimatum in a relationship? Would you?


Image via loveMaegan/Flickr

celeb couples, celebrity gossip, commitment, love, marriage

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mommy... mommytojack0524

Ultimatums are about as un-romantic as it gets.  I think some women are in this position because they've already given the man all the perks of marriage without the commitment. Why should he marry her if she'll live with him, sleep with him, have his babies (in some cases), etc.? It seems like a lot of women assume that a man will commit to marriage once they live together, have a baby together, or whatever. Not necessarily.


 I know I'm old-fashioned, but when I was single, my attitude was that if a man wanted to share my bed, finances, and home, he had to share a wedding ring with me too. 

jalaz77 jalaz77

Yea ultimatums are pathetic. I wouldn't wast 7 yrs on someone that is just sad.

lobus lobus

I gave my husband the ultimatum that if we weren't married by thetime he delployed I would move back home and not wait for him. We got married a month later, and now five years and two babies later we are happier than ever. What's pathetic to me is a woman waiting around for years hoping for a man to propose to her all while diminishing her potential to find the right mate the right career or from starting a family.

tbruc... tbrucemom

I agree with mommytojack.  There's no motivation to get married if you're already living together, etc.  I think the only problem in this particular situation is broadcasting in public your intentions.

Erika NW Goodall

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years, and we have a daughter together. If he doesn't propose within the next 6 months.. I'm not waiting around any more.

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