spencer prattYou know who's got no leg to stand on when talking about how reality stars became famous? Spencer Pratt. Yeah. Remember him? He was that flesh-bearded asshole on MTV's The Hills who married Heidi Montag and stood idly by while she changed her entire face and body to become "more sexy." OK, so -- Spencer is calling Kim Kardashian the "world's most famous porn star" and says she'd be nowhere without that sex tape.

First of all: uh duh, everyone knows that. He doesn't think he came up with that, does he? Second of all, why the hell did Spencer Pratt get an interview, and third of all ... Let's review how Spencer became famous, shall we?

Since he thinks he's illuminated the nation with this assertion that Kim became a household name for banging Ray J. on camera, let's dissect how he became a notorious loser who squandered his 15 minutes and now lives in his parents' basement with his plasticized wife.

He leveraged his friendship with Brody Jenner into a reality "career." No, he didn't have sex with Brody on tape and then sell the thing, but the line there is probably thinner than any of us realize. He was on Brody's show Princes of Malibu as Brody's stylist, or some shit like that, then followed Brody to The Hills.

And that's where the ish hit the fan. Thinking that he's smarter than the average bear, Spencer decided to play the villain on the show. Every storyline needs an antagonist and he dedicated himself to being a manipulative, evil, two-faced giant douche of a human. It was great TV.

Unfortunately, it wasn't just TV. Spencer morphed into a wide-eyed megalomaniac who subsisted solely off the press he received and off, of course, the energy provided by his genuine addiction to crystals. Poor Heidi Montag had hitched her tail to his star and became more entangled in the thread than anyone ever saw coming. To go from a down-home girl in Colorado to fake woman infamous for plastic surgery takes skill, and Spencer was her sensei.

When the show wrapped and they found their names fading more and more from blogs and tabloids, they explained that 9/11 was an inside job and allegedly faked the end of their marriage for attention.

In fact, Spencer recently said they faked everything on The Hills, but alas, it was too late. No one cares anymore. Thanks to his careful calculations he made to become loathed and Heidi's enormous balloons for breasts, they'll always be seen as the bad guys. 

Kim Kardashian's net worth is roughly $40 million. Spencer's? $100 thousand. I'd take a leaked sex tape over Brody Jenner's sloppy seconds any day.

What do you think?

 

Photo via Pacific Coast News