Back when the Kristen Stewart cheating scandal broke out over the summer, we were all feeling sorry for Robert Pattinson. Poor guy! Hiding out at Reese Witherspoon's ranch with his broken heart. But one individual has stepped forward to reveal that RPattz broke out of his funk at least a couple times for a little rebound nookie. A staffer at a private LA club (and occasional model) tells Hollywood Life she had sex with Robert Pattinson twice during his terrible, no good, very bad summer.
Or so she claims. I mean, who is this lady, and why should we believe her? Reportedly, Rob's mystery lover is five-foot-ten with green eyes and dark hair, and she's "really, really pretty." (REEELY?!?) But whether we believe her or not, we want to hear the details anyway. Because!
Okay, deets on a platter. Enjoy:
I hooked-up with Rob twice last summer and I’d give him a 10 for sure. He’s a great kisser and really sweet, but he still totally knows how to take charge. We were drinking a lot both times but he had no problems in the bedroom, we stayed up almost all night the first time.
I think we all know what she means by "stayed up." And who doesn't love a "take charge" kind of guy in the bedroom. Ooh, here's a cute little detail about Rob's smoker's breath, which I'm sure smells like a sunny day mixed with menthol:
He was smoking and since I don’t smoke he was really self conscious about his breath and he kept running to the bathroom to use the mouthwash. I told him it was totally fine but it was still nice that he cared so much. We both knew it was never going to be anything serious but Rob never made me feel cheap. The whole thing was as good as you’d imagine. I’d love to see him again.
Aww, Rob being self-conscious and considerate about smoking! Can we all just stop for a moment and enjoy a mental picture of sheepish RPattz? SIGH.
All right, so that was fun. Who knows if this story is even remotely true. Maybe the two "up all night" sexcapades happened all in this woman's head. She certainly wouldn't be the only one having those fantasies.
And if you were to fantasize about having a fling with RPattz, wouldn't it pretty much go like this? I mean, it would HAVE to be amazing sex. No one fantasizes about Robert being a selfish lover, or in-n-out in 30 seconds, or (worst of all!) unable to perform. No, of course he's going to be capable of wild, swinging from the chandeliers monkey sex. Also? Not that anyone's asking, but in my fantasy, he looks like this in his underwear.
Do you believe the mystery lover's story, or do you think she's just making this all up?