lindsay lohanOkay, are you sitting down? I hope you're sitting down, because otherwise the shock of what I'm about to tell you might knock you off your feet. Ready? Lindsay Lohan's new movie, The Canyons, was rejected by not two -- not one, but two! -- film festivals: Neither Sundance nor South by Southwest (SXSW) had any interest in screening the indie trainwreck flick.

Shut. Up. Are. You. Joking. Me. See, aren't you glad you sat down? Shock of a lifetime, riiiiiight?? Hey, here's a phone call I bet is happening right now: Hi, um, is this Dancing With the Stars? Um, yeah, this is Lindsay Lohan? Um, I decided I want to be on the show?

And you'll never, ever guess why SXSW rejected the movie ...

Apparently the festival passed on The Canyons due to ... "quality issues." Which is of course a very kind and diplomatic way of saying: "This movie was so horrifically horrifying it wasn't even funny. Like, we couldn't even laugh. We almost cried. But it wasn't worth wasting our tears.

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Even more diplomatic was director Paul Schrader's take on the fate of his film: "In a way it's good we're not at Sundance. We weren't prepared, we weren't organized." I give the guy a lot of credit, considering what he actually wanted to say was probably more along the lines of: "Everybody told me not to hire that girl. They told me! They said 'Paul, don't do it. You're gonna lose your shirt. She's nothing but trouble.' But did I listen? No!"

Let's just hope DWTS is feeling generous when Lohan crawls back begging for that $550,000 gig.

Do you think Lindsay Lohan has any shot of getting on DWTS now?

 

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