megan fox esquireLet me start off by saying I don't know the REAL Megan Fox. We cover her a lot here on The Stir. We've laughed along with her at some of the stories she's told about first-time motherhood. To me, she's always seemed okay as celebrities go, no crazier than the rest.

But have you seen this Esquire cover story on Megan? Wow. It makes her sound like a self-absorbed, airheaded lunatic.

First of all, the writer, Stephen Marche, drools all over Megan and tells us Megan is a bombshell, and that bombshells are going extinct. Really? Could we please hear from Sofia Vergara, Kate Upton, Jessica Biel, Beyonce, and Every Victoria's Secret Model Ever for a comment on that?

And then there's the backhanded compliment about how you don't even have to be beautiful to make it in Hollywood anymore. Because look at Lena Dunham, Adele, Lady Gaga, and Amy Adams -- celebs he describes as "all perfectly plain." Wrong and mean. But I'm just mentioning those two details for context. Check out how this interview begins.

Marche and Megan are talking about the high price of celebrity. So naturally Marche tells her about this Aztec practice where a "perfect youth" would be selected to live among the people as a god, flawless in every way, constantly pampered, always dancing for the people. And then, at the end of the year, they cut out the youth's heart as a sacrifice to the gods. And that's Megan's cue to say ...

"It's so similar. It totally is."

Oh Megan. Facepalm. Celeb life is not like Aztec human sacrifice. But she goes on, insisting that being a celeb is like being "bullied by millions of people constantly." And she's mad because she knows no one feels sorry for celebrities! But they suffer! How they suffer! So if we weren't convinced that celeb life is just like Aztec human sacrifice, here's Marche, offering Megan up like a sacrifice for all the trolls who would cut her heart out for claiming that celeb life is like Aztec sacrifice. And can you believe this bullshit?

Okay, so then he gets her talking about the Book of Revelations, and she talks about how difficult it is to understand. Fair enough, we get that. But then, "When war breaks out in the Holy Land, like it is right now, if that is a sign of the immediate end times, then where are the other signs? Is it possible that it's the Internet or fame itself or celebrity?" Okay, how did we get from the Book of Revelations to celebrity?!? See, now I want to say, "Not everything is about YOU, Megan." Oh my gosh, I really wish she hadn't gone there.

Then supposedly she tells Marche that when she heard about the Krim murders, she fired her own nanny -- because "she believes people are inherently bad." SIGH.

Then there's the part where she talks about the tattoo of Marilyn Monroe she had removed because she didn't like what Marilyn came to symbolize: A bombshell who lost control of her life. She compares Marilyn to Lindsay Lohan. (Okay ...)

So who would she rather be like? "Ava Gardner. She had power. She was a broad. She got what she wanted and said what she needed." But I'll tell you what. If Megan wants to be a powerful broad who gets what she wants, she'll need to do a better job of protecting herself with interviewers like this guy.

Towards the end, Marche kind of gives up even trying to weave this interview into a coherent narrative and just slaps down a bunch of wackadoodle quotes.

I believe in all of this stuff. I believe in all of it....

I like believing. I believe in all of these Irish myths, like leprechauns. Not the pot of gold, not the Lucky Charms leprechauns. But maybe was there something in the traditional sense? I believe that this stuff came from somewhere other than people's imaginations....

We should all believe in leprechauns. I'm a believer....

You and I are humans, this is not all of it. This cannot be, because we are so disappointing....

Films don't hold the answers I'm looking for....

Would you not be so much more interested in finding out that Bigfoot existed than in watching a really good movie? ...

I believe in aliens....

I am childlike in my spirit, and I want to believe in fairy tales.. .

Loch Ness monster — there's something to it....

There's the Bell Witch...

What distracts me from my reality is Bigfoot. They are my celebrities.

And then he leaves us at the foot of the stairs, where he describes a decor accent of the sort that would both horrify and intrigue Kelly Wearstler, and then there's something about the meaning of her son's name, Noah. But by then I'm exhausted and embarrassed for Megan. That was a horrendous interview.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that maybe the interview tells us more about the writer than about Megan. That he's exactly the kind of asshole who would lure a willing participant into saying things that make her look vain, tone-deaf, self-absorbed, and bananas. I know Megan played a part in this interview, too. She said all those things! (Shudder.) No celeb is owed a fawning puff piece. But I resent the writer for dangling Megan Fox as troll bait. And I wish she'd been more savvy in the interview.

Do you think it's fair game for an interviewer to make a celeb look foolish?


Image via Esquire