In the new Here Comes Honey Boo Boo special, we watch as the family preps for the biggest holiday of the year. "What do you know about the first Thanksgiving?" mama June Shannon asks 7-year-old Alana. Her answer? Classic Honey Boo Boo child: "Turkeys," she announces, then continues after some thought. "The Indians lost everything and just got a crappy meal -- and casinos." Oldest daughter Anna declares, "Christopher Columbus went to the New World in 1930-something and that's where he met Pocahontas." Though our history isn't the only thing the girls massacre. The entire brood takes mean shots at poor mama.
For some reason, the girls, along with Uncle Poodle (June's brother), decide to make a scarecrow in the likeness of Mama. It's a "Junecrow" according to Honey Boo Boo. They get one of her outfits and stuff it with what must have been five bales of hay because "it's got to have four tummies" and "big old thighs." When she sees the finished project, June protests that it doesn't look a thing like her. Of course the girls disagree, offering evidence that it is, in fact, the perfect double: "Blonde wig, big head, vajiggle jaggle, forklift foot." Jeez. Good thing Mama is so thick-skinned. But Sugar Bear -- bless his heart -- said, "It looks beautiful." Say what you will about the man, he clearly loves his woman and wants to make her feel good about herself.
As for the Thanksgiving meal itself, not even June had high hopes. "This is going to be a f**kin disaster," she said. She put in a good effort, coating the turkey with a gallon of Country Crock, making canned corn (also soaked in the butter-like spread), something she called a multi-meal (which means she throws everything she has in the cabinet and fridge into a pan and cooks it), and opening up 12 cans of cranberry sauce and pouring a pound of sugar over it. "Just like all my other recipes, butter and sugar make everything taste better," said June. Though my favorite words of wisdom of the night: "They get their fruit, plus they don't get a [urinary tract] infection," she said of the benefits of so much cranberry sauce. Who knows, she could be right.
It may not have been Martha Stewart-worthy, but it wasn't exactly a Fear Factor-esque meal either. If the round of belching at the end of the meal was any indication, the family certainly seemed to enjoy it. They ended the day with -- what else -- a food fight. But Pumpkin summed it up best: "I don't know what happened but I sure do love my crazy family." So do we Pumpkin. So do we.
Do you think it would be fun to spend a holiday with the Honey Boo Boo clan?
Image via TLC