'Girls' Recap: Season 2 Premiere Kills It With Bizarre Straight Sex Scene Featuring Hannah's Gay Ex

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Girls is back! If you were too busy watching all the middle cleavage at the Golden Globes and haven't had a chance to see the Girls season 2 premiere, you may want to come back to this later because we've got a lot to discuss. I'm trying to pick up my jaw from my lap filled with cookie crumbs though and not just because I really hate seeing Hannah in flesh colored underwear. It was that terribly awkward sex scene where I was yelling at the TV, "He's gay! What is he doing? What is she doing? This is just weird!"

Oh and in case you forgot, Adam got hit by a truck at the end of last season. Must discuss. Spoilers ahead!

The first time we question how committed to being gay Elijah is comes right in the opening scene. There he is, now Hannah's roommate because Marni moved out, spooning Hannah, who you recall is her ex. The guy that gave her HPV. He's got morning wood but says it's not for her.

WHERE IS JESSA???? The newlywed! Where is Thomas John?!?!

Then we meet Elijah's older and slimy boyfriend George at the big party the new roomies throw at their apartment, and we realize why Hannah's gay ex proceeds to get so drunk he ends up ass in the air and getting it on with Marni on the couch. This right after Marni confesses she could never be a gay man because she doesn't like oral and never had anal. Apparently that's sexy talk. No one's around at the time -- party had long been over. They kiss. She slaps him. They kiss again. She pushes him. Next thing you know he's naked, she's covering up her boobs because, you know, she's Brian Williams' daughter, and he gets a condom. A few thrusts later, he loses his erection; he accuses her of rolling her eyes and they're done. WHAT IN THE WORLD JUST HAPPENED?!?! I didn't see the scene where Adam got hit by a truck coming last season and I sure as heck didn't think this would happen. Genius, Lena Dunham!!! You deserve those awards, girl!

Doesn't Marni know she can get HPV? Oh wait. Condom. Right. What we need to learn from this is that drinking and karaoke don't mix. Ever. The result? Sex with a gay man. A gay man who decides he doesn't want to have sex with you after three thrusts. Marni's self-esteem already took a hit from her own mother played by the super hot Rita Wilson, when she tells her daughter she looks 30 over lunch. But Marni tries to salvage herself by saying, "You don't have to try to be anything you are not" to Elijah. Burn! He bites back and says, "Neither do you." Ouch.

So Marni does what any self-respecting girl would do and heads over to her ex-boyfriend Charlie's house and tells him she doesn't want to cause any trouble with him and his girlfriend, but she basically just needs to cuddle. In his cubby of a room. His girlfriend who wears strapless short rompers.

Oh Charlie. He gets hotter in every scene. Even when wearing a maroon mock turtleneck. I totally dated a Charlie once.

Another hottie. Hannah's new boyfriend. The adorable Donald Glover who is given the unfortunate name of Sandy. They seem in love already, which is odd because this is Brooklyn and no one moves that fast. And she hasn't really broken the news to Adam because, well, he broke his leg after getting hit by that truck. "You're my main hang," he tells Hannah when she's trying to break up with him. "I came. You came hard. We all laughed. What's the issue? When you love someone you don't have to be nice all the time." What is this guy talking about? I'm never sure but he's grown on me. We never see it, but my guess he's got a big penis and he uses it well. That's why girls stay with guys like him. Though he has gotten emo lately.

Instead of breaking up with him, she holds a pot for him to pee in and waits until the end of the episode to tell him it's over. They'll be back together in a few episodes because Sandy apparently likes Ayn Rand.

WHERE IS JESSA???? The newlywed! Where is Thomas John?!?! Making out in a cab just back from honeymoon. That's all we get. But we already had weird sex from Marni and Elijah, which I'd like to "unsee."

Until next week ...

Do you think Marni is going to tell Hannah that she had sorta sex with Elijah? What's going to happen next?


Image via HBO

comedy, recaps, television

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