There's a photo of the Downton Abbey cast that's ruined everything. Let's just go ahead and cancel the show, and while we're at it, let's cancel Christmas, too, because there's really no reason to be happy about anything anymore, now that our beloved Downton residents have taken a wrecking ball to our hearts and have crushed the fourth-wall illusion with a goddamn TwitPic.
Prepare to come to the cruel, heartbreaking realization that Earl Robert Crawley, butler John Bates, maid Anna Smith, cook Daisy Mason, and footman Thomas Barrow ARE NOT REAL AND THAT THEY'RE PLAYED BY ACTORS WHO DO NORMAL THINGS LIKE RIDE THE NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY. Look:
Way to ruin everything, guys.
What are they doing?? How did they get to America? Why is the Earl of Grantham wearing something my dad would? Where's his fancy uniform? And what's with this high-tech system of interconnected, underground tubes of transportation they seem to be embarking upon? WHERE ARE THE HORSES AND BUGGIES AND CORSETS??
Seeing the Downton cast as, just that, a cast is almost too much for my poor heart to handle. They belong in the suburbs of 1920 London in an enormous manor where people are shocked by the modern telephone invention and where dinner is, like, a nightly event that necessitates a dress, a menu, and a stubborn Dowager.
Usually with actors, we want to know all about their personal lives. The details of Jennifer Aniston's wedding and the gossip around TomKat's divorce is the stuff newsstands, and water-cooler chat, are made for.
But with the Downton actors, I don't know, I just, I just want to keep them pure. I want to believe that they exist in a parallel universe (that's 100 years behind) and that Mary and Matthew are actually deep in incestuous love, that the Countess really has no idea what a weekend is, and that Anna and Bates will be together, no matter what his duplicitous ex-wife has to say.
I don't want to see them hanging out in 2012 New York wearing skinny jeans and glittery boots and hanging out with the Knicks. It's just not where they belong. They can't be real people with normal lives. I won't allow it.
Does seeing them in the light of 2012 shock you, too?
Photo via Hugh Bonneville/Twitter