robert pattinsonThere are vampires, and then there are VAMPIRES. Robert Pattinson plays a vampire in the Twilight saga. But in this month's L'Uomo Vogue, he plays a VAMPIRE -- a gussied-up, totally goth, fashionista vampire, that is. In the Italian fashion magazine spread, we see RPattz brooding in black leather (sexy!) and mussed hair (mrowr!) and ... spikes? Yikes. Actually, he looks ridiculous. How on earth did he manage to keep a straight face through this photo shoot?

Oh Robert. What happened? I mean, I know what happened -- you signed up to do a cover and they made you wear that stuff. But take a look at the whole dang spread. Remember when I said black leather? Well, make that black patent leather -- and I don't know, when a man wears patent leather above his shoes, it just looks undignified. And HOT -- but not hot as in "I'd hit that." Hot as in, poor guy must be sweating buckets underneath that get-up out there in the desert.

And what's with those giant spikes and huge safety pin? And the Darth Vader meets matador cape? A few pages on he dons what must be a tri-corner hat because why not? Pirates can be goth, too! Unless he's a patriot goth! Or something! I don't know.

Robert, tell us you were laughing in between takes. Tell us you giggled a little bit when they trotted out all this gear. Because you look sort of miserable and confused in these clothes. Of all the wacky Twilight promotions, this is the ultimate. I thought that Japanese interview for Kristen was awkward, but I think you two are even now.

What do you think of Robert's goth look in this spread?

 

Image via L'Uomo Vogue