Admit it: You've totally thought about what your stripper name would be. Relax, relax -- I'm not saying you're planning on a career as an exotic dancer, just saying you've thought about some possible stage monikers. On a strictly theoretical basis. How could you NOT? Stripping is one of the only professions where you get to invent an entirely new identity for yourself, complete with costume AND alias -- well, except for priests and/or nuns, I guess, and they don't usually trade up to anything fun (I've never heard of a Sister Mary Sweet Cheeks, have you?).
Admit this, too: You've totally thought about what Robert Pattinson's stripper name would be. (At the very least, you've thought about Robert Pattinson stripping.) Well, guess what? Today is your lucky day, because we're gonna tell you exactly what Robert Pattinson's stripper name would be -- not to mention Taylor Lautner, Kristen Stewart, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie ... even President Barack Obama.
That's right, and it's all thanks to rapper Juicy J. I don't actually know that much about Juicy J, but what I DO know is that he put the best thing ever on his website, which is a stripper name generator.
A STRIPPER NAME GENERATOR. I know! What could be more fun? (Besides a Honey Boo Boo Name Generator, but been there, done that.)
Anyway, check out these hot celeb stripper names!
Robert Pattinson = Dallas Silvercock
Kristen Stewart = Montana Ambersizzle
Taylor Lautner = Peter Rustyrider
Brad Pitt = Harry Machowillie
Angelina Jolie = Diamond Tightwhip
Alexander Skarsgard = Matt Hardbutt
Ryan Gosling = Dixon Rockycock
Kim Kardashian = Starr Nighttower
Lindsay Lohan = Jade Tightkiss
And, just for fun:
Mitt Romney = Jack Studballs
Barack Obama = Red Studstreak
Did I lie? That's a good time right there. Oh, and by the way? Pleased to meet you, my name is Roxie Passioncocker.
What's your stripper name?
Image via Sheri Reed