I felt really bad when I missed Kim Kardashian's birthday last month, so when I heard today was Kris Jenner's big day, I knew I had to make up for lost time and honor the Momager to end all Momagers on this, her 57th birthday. A lot of us poke fun at good ole Kris because she does things like pose in a bathtub and blow bubbles. She also wears totally age inappropriate outfits, doesn't mind getting sloshed on TV, and exposes her nipples. And then, of course, who could forget the fact that she pretty much sold her entire family to Ryan Seacrest and the E! network. Point is, there's a lot to tease.
But there's a lot to love, as well.
So on her birthday, I think she deserves a break, and a big old THANK YOU. Kris Jenner has provided, literally, as in shot out of her vagina, some of the most entertaining entertainment this country has seen. Who knew that three sisters with large butts and breasts could be such a hit? Well, everyone knew that, I guess, but it was Kris who took advantage of what was in front of her and thrust Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe into the limelight faster than you could say "oh man, you're probably going to regret doing this to your family."
Without Kris there'd be know Kim's sex tape, there'd be no Kourtney and Scott drama, and there'd be no Khloe-isn't-a-Kardashian scandal. Without Kris we wouldn't have gotten to see one of Brody Jenner's friends film her pre-teen daughters Kendall and Kylie lifting their shirts, pretending to expose their breasts ala Girls Gone Wild. (It happened first season of Keeping Up. Trust.)
Without Kris, we wouldn't have known that Bruce, an all-American Olympic hero if there ever was one, has been broken down into a silent, face-pulled version of himself who can only speak when spoken to. Without Kris, there'd be no Kris Humphries, no bar by which to measure parent managers, no guide to how not to wear a smokey eye.
And, frankly, without Kris Jenner, there might be no Internet, no web traffic, and no jobs for idiots like me. You see, Kim was the third most searched term on the Internet in 2011. She even has major pull abroad -- Kim was the most searched celebrity of 2011 in the U.K -- and if you Google "Kardashians", you get over 21 million responses.
For reference, "kama sutra" has 17.4 million hits on Google. Yes, that's right, the Kardashians are more popular than sex.
So thank you, Kris Jenner. Thanks for bring us the Kardashians and the web traffic. And hey, happy birthday! Hope you have a good one.
What do you think of Kris Jenner?
Photo via Splash News