michael lohanIf you can't beat 'em ... join 'em? Yeah, because, um, Lindsay Lohan CALLED TMZ. Voluntarily. To tame the crazy tornado of torrid rumors that's been a-swirling around like a Kansas twister!! I guess the whole leaked phone call about the mom and the cocaine and the dad and the whatever was the last straw for LiLo. I mean, the crazy got TOO BIG even for Lindsay Lohan to deal with. So she picked up the phone, called TMZ, and set the record straight: 

"I told my dad a really hurtful and untruthful lie about my mom. She was not on cocaine."

Whoa. Not only that, but Lindsay regrets ever turning to her father in the first place -- so much so that she vows to now be "done" with the man, adding, Michael Lohan "doesn't know what it means to be a father. He doesn't want to be a dad."

Man, that blows. I mean we all saw Dina Lohan's Dr. Phil interview -- and she's the stable parent?! Jeez, Lindsay is remarkably well-adjusted when you think about it. Sweet baby Jesus in a jumpy castle!

Anyway, here are a few other things Lindsay told TMZ that will make you feel sad for her:

Lindsay Lohan goes to therapy (and thinks her dad should too).

When she got arrested in NYC, the cops handcuffed her to a heater.

She's damned if she does, damned if she doesn't.

With all the money Michael Lohan makes recording and selling  personal conversations with Lindsay, he STILL doesn't pay child support.

She feels she "should have known better" than to turn to her dad for support.

She's working really hard trying to stay focused.

Which can't be easy with this guy getting in the way all the time.

Do you feel kind of bad for Lindsay Lohan?