Ah, the good old days. Back when Teen Mom was just a documentary-style TV show meant to keep our kids from getting pregnant. These days it's looking more like MTV's version of Scared Straight or True Crime what with Amber Portwood's latest confession from prison and Kieffer Delp's latest arrest.
Sad that I had to say "latest" to distinguish them from all the other prison confessions and arrests, huh? But folks, this is where we are at in society. A show that was supposed to warn kids about the dangers of knocking boots has turned into a veritable who's who of the prison system. And there's so much we can learn!
Let's take a look at Amber's confession first, shall we?
It's part of the promotional material for "Amber Portwood: Behind Bars," the MTV special that sent Dr. Drew Pinsky into the Indiana prison to give us an update on her life. The episode airs this week, but the preview video features the mom talking about what she had to give up when she chose prison over kicking her drug habit:
I just miss being able to sleep in. I miss going to Starbucks, driving in my car and listening to music. I know those are material things, but they made me happy. I miss freedom is what it is -- I miss my family.
You'll have to pardon me for stating the obvious here, but I can't be the only one thinking, "Duh, Amber, you chose five years in the slammer! Did you really think you'd be sucking down skinny lattes and sleeping until noon ... you know, all those things you were doing on the outside while Gary took care of your kid?"
Lesson to America: prison sucks y'all. They don't even have fake eyelashes in there!
And then there's Keiffer Delp, or as I like to call him, Reefer. Jenelle Evans' pipe-making ex-boyfriend (Didn't you hear? Jenelle and her new man are already shacking up!) has a long rap sheet that includes getting arrested with her on charges of breaking and entering, possession of marijuana, and possession of paraphernalia, and of course that pesky domestic violence charge for hurting her on camera. But the Delpster went for a change of scenery this time around and got treated to a pair of metal bracelets at a New Jersey bar.
Although Jenelle tweeted that he was being hauled in for old warrants in the Garden State, Reefer made it out of the clink in time to respond that this was simply over an open container (odd: aren't all containers open when you're in a bar?). Neither one is terribly trustworthy here, but we get the picture: Kieffer is a scummy dude, and Jenelle is better off without him. Now if only she'd actually stop Tweeting about him and actually focus on her own problems!
Lesson to America: lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas, giant ones who tend to wear the same hoodie every day and smoke pot on your Mom's porch.
Of course these two aren't the first jailbirds to come out of Teen Mom. We've seen Tyler's dad Butch Baltierra and Farrah's mom Debra Danielson. Butch in particular spends more time in jail than out, causing an obvious amount of pain for his son and future daughter-in-law. But these younger criminals and their repeated brushes with the law could be a show onto themselves.
What do you make of the look at crime in America we've been treated to via Teen Mom?
Image via MTV
I create a special savings account
I put a little away at a time
I cut corners until I can afford it
Save? Who has money to save?
I plan to put it on my credit card and love the benefits of the reward program