I gave American Idol a shot after they swapped out Paula Abdul with … uh, whatshername, the brunette. But I think there was something about the original judge trio that I preferred, and I never really got into it after that. After Simon Cowell left, I was done -- without his dry critique, unpleasant V-necks, and bizarre resemblance to an angry turtle, there was really no reason to keep watching.
Those were my reasons for getting bored with the show, but it seems I'm hardly alone in switching the channel whenever the Idol theme music (ba-bah-ba-nah-ba-nahh) comes on. Sometimes a singing competition just outstays its welcome, and all the judge rumors and infighting in the world can't save it.
That doesn't mean Idol isn't trying like hell this season with Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey. You've heard about the ridiculous feud between these two divas, right? You've seen the eye-rolling video? Well, producers have finally weighed in on the drama, and here's what they have to say:
Idol show executives gave Us Weekly a statement about the transparent ratings ploy spirited disagreement between Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey that was caught on tape. I've provided some helpful translation from PR-speak into English.
This is one of the best, most passionate, dynamic and invested judging panels we've ever had.
Thankfully, these spoiled divas have the temperament and intellect of Paris Hilton's purse dogs. We love that they instantly started yapping at each other like fools because our ratings have gone in the toilet and we will be goddamned if we lose to The Voice.
We love and support all of the judges and the fantastic work they are doing, and we can't imagine a better group to find the next American Idol.
Did you know we're being called the grandma/teen show? Did you know people joke about how most of our winners are a "WGWG" (white guy with a guitar)? God, this sucks. That's why we hired that pink-haired yahoo. I mean, what, you think we brought Minaj in because of her god-given talent?
Production is going extremely well today and the judges are focused on finding the best talent here in Baton Rouge.
Now that the one tape has been strategically released, we'll keep a muzzle on Minaj and placate Carey with her chocolate-lined oxygen chamber until it's time to air the shows. We know everyone's sick of the tired show formula and the increasingly tedious product placement, so we're betting you tune in for a potential throwdown. Hey, it worked for the Real Housewives.
Keith Urban: I love it, I gotta say. I love working with passionate people. I love artists. Everyone just sort of expressing themselves. It's a very alive and very invigorating work environment.
Jesus, I love that I'm somehow still relevant. And have you seen my wife's terrifyingly frozen face? That is NOT a real smile. It's not. I'm just really glad to be here. Are we filming tonight? No? Are you sure? I could show up anyway, just in case. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO HOME SHE MAKES ME WEAR A DIAPER.
Are you looking forward to this season of American Idol?
Image via Fox