Ooooh! Didja hear? Didja hear? Robert Pattinson finally got back at Fifty Shades of Grey author E.L. James this week for dissing his acting chops way back in July (come on, he's kind of had some other things on his mind ... rhymes with Boopert Tanders ... ringing any bells?).
The woman behind the hottest selling novels of the year said she didn't want RPattz or Kristen Stewart sullying up the Fifty Shades movie because it would be, and I quote here, "ugggh, weird." Pshaaaah! Well, the joke's on her, because Pattinson says he's going to make James pay for that little dig!
Can you imagine what that would look like?
On the one hand we have E.L. James, who has certainly made her splash on the world this year. On the other hand, we have Hollywood sex symbol and star of one of the hottest film series ever. Oooh, the possibilities are endless here.
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A few options Pattinson might want to keep in mind ... he can:
1. Use HIS twitchy palm ... on her.
2. Do a web series of himself acting out as Ana Steele's "Inner Goddess" ... sitting in the lotus position, doing the dance of the seven veils ... to reveal it in all its idiocy.
3. Find the elusive 51st shade of gray, thereby topping them all.
4. Write his own S&M screenplay, add vampires ... and get Ryan Gosling to star with him.
5. Start a nationwide boycott of cable ties.
6. Go on the talk show circuit proclaiming the value of vanilla sex.
7. Proclaim lip biting absolutely disgusting every chance he can get, completely ruining its sex appeal (bonus: this is sure to hit Kristen hard after her little escapade with Mr. Sanders).
8. Write a heartbreaking S&M tell-all that starts a nationwide S&M boycott.
9. Purchase the film rights to Crusher, the young adult book written by Niall Leonard (aka Mr. Fifty Shades ... James' husband). Get it on the Hollywood fast track to be filmed and released, beating the slow-moving Fifty Shades movie to theaters.
10. Make a point to visit bookstores and switch out the books in the Fifty Shades of Grey displays with copies of Fifty Sheds of Grey.
Come on, you know there's fun to be had here! What else can Robert Pattinson (and anyone else who is so over the Fifty Shades phenomena) do to get back at E.L. James?
Image via Pacific Coast News