Ooooh! Didja hear? Didja hear? Robert Pattinson finally got back at Fifty Shades of Grey author E.L. James this week for dissing his acting chops way back in July (come on, he's kind of had some other things on his mind ... rhymes with Boopert Tanders ... ringing any bells?).
The woman behind the hottest selling novels of the year said she didn't want RPattz or Kristen Stewart sullying up the Fifty Shades movie because it would be, and I quote here, "ugggh, weird." Pshaaaah! Well, the joke's on her, because Pattinson says he's going to make James pay for that little dig!
Can you imagine what that would look like?
On the one hand we have E.L. James, who has certainly made her splash on the world this year. On the other hand, we have Hollywood sex symbol and star of one of the hottest film series ever. Oooh, the possibilities are endless here.
More from The Stir: '50 Shades of Grey' Author Is Completely Set on One Star for the Movie (VIDEO)
A few options Pattinson might want to keep in mind ... he can:
1. Use HIS twitchy palm ... on her.
2. Do a web series of himself acting out as Ana Steele's "Inner Goddess" ... sitting in the lotus position, doing the dance of the seven veils ... to reveal it in all its idiocy.
3. Find the elusive 51st shade of gray, thereby topping them all.
4. Write his own S&M screenplay, add vampires ... and get Ryan Gosling to star with him.
5. Start a nationwide boycott of cable ties.
6. Go on the talk show circuit proclaiming the value of vanilla sex.
7. Proclaim lip biting absolutely disgusting every chance he can get, completely ruining its sex appeal (bonus: this is sure to hit Kristen hard after her little escapade with Mr. Sanders).
8. Write a heartbreaking S&M tell-all that starts a nationwide S&M boycott.
9. Purchase the film rights to Crusher, the young adult book written by Niall Leonard (aka Mr. Fifty Shades ... James' husband). Get it on the Hollywood fast track to be filmed and released, beating the slow-moving Fifty Shades movie to theaters.
10. Make a point to visit bookstores and switch out the books in the Fifty Shades of Grey displays with copies of Fifty Sheds of Grey.
Come on, you know there's fun to be had here! What else can Robert Pattinson (and anyone else who is so over the Fifty Shades phenomena) do to get back at E.L. James?
Image via Pacific Coast News
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Comments 24
I don't understand what the big whoop is about Robert Pattinson, I find him in no way attractive. I saw the first & second Twilight movies and I just couldn't get into them, his acting is dull. I would never want him to play the role of Christian Grey.
if e l james doesnt wont r pattisen or k stewart in 50 shades movie its upto her hes just been childish bout it all cause he asnt been asked to play christian he not suited to play role anyway
Rob Patz would make an awesome Christian Grey. I know i would let him bit my lip....laters
Definitely not right for the part. Christian Grey is sexier and more mysterious looking. Very glad that she is not considering either one of them for either of the roles. There are better looking actors/actresses out there...maybe some that we have not even heard of. Keep looking!
Trista who is a non-member, you just need to get some and quit calling the ladies horny old ladies...You have definite issues...
Ah I am past caring, on the one hand you have it said that the author of 50 shades, based christian on the pats and on the other you have is said she in no way considers him right for the role. It will be what it will be, and we will all decide if we want to watch the final movie or not.
I think this is hilarious...Everyone thinks that Robert Pattinson isn't meant for this role, but......dun dun dun this character was based off of him!!!OMG SHOCKING. I read these books when they were just TWILIGHT FANFICTION before this BS got published. I have read thousands of Fan-fiction stories and believe me there are authors and stories that are so much better than this picture-less porn!
OMG! Why does it have to be a well known actor. Find a man with dark hair and dark eyes with a lot of mystery in his eyes and good with his hands. ;) ! So tired of the same ol Hollywood actors!