All good things must come to an end and so it is with heavy hearts that MTV announces that season 6 will be the last season of Jersey Shore. We will miss Pauly D, Snooki, and maybe The Situation most of all, but the show ran its course and that's that. What's next for the gang? Well only time will tell.
First of all, we know that the entire state of New Jersey, having already been humiliated by its ho-ho munching, homophobic governor, was further dragged down by this show. I will tell you my husband and I are in the process of moving to New Jersey and my biggest fear is running into these people. But hey, that doesn't mean I don't love them.
Let's face it, though. The gang has moved on. Here are some predictions for what happens to them:
- Snooki: Snooki becomes the Martha Stewart of Jersey moms. She has one son, then another, then another, until she has a gaggle of growing boys she calls meatballs. Her babies grow into guidos, just like she wanted, and someday run the best t-shirt stand in Seaside Heights. It all comes full circle for Snooks.
- The Situation: There is "a situation" in Costa Rica. No one quite knows what it is, but Sitch is never heard from again. We know he isn't dead, because every once in a while, a child is born with a preternatural proclivity for fist pumping. He is out there. Somewhere.
- Pauly D: Pauly D marries a Kennedy and stops using gel. He becomes unrecognizable and so can no longer DJ. He gets an MBA and runs for Mayor of Seaside Heights. He loses, but gets the VP nod on the Republican ticket anyway.
- JWoww: JWoww does porn, but then reforms herself. Years from now we will be able to catch her late night doing infomercials for skin cream that makes leathery skin look more polished.
- Deena: Deena has her first child two years from now -- a girl. She and Snooks have a race. For every boy Snooki has, Deena has another girl. Eventually four of Deena's girls marry four of Snooki's boys and the two are finally sisters. They buy a house on the Jersey Shore where their grandchildren can drink, eat lasagna, and fist pump for the rest of their lives.
We are going to miss this gang, but they will always be in our hearts.
What do you predict for them?
Image via MTV