Nicki Minaj Is ‘American Idol’ Judge? Oh Hell No

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nicki minajNot happy about this. According to Us Weekly, Nicki Minaj is the new American Idol judge and I, for one, am already exhausted by the idea. Nicki will join Mariah Carey on the judges' panel this winter; the third seat at their table has yet to be filled, but rumor has it that Joe Jonas could replace AI stalwart Randy Jackson, who'll be moved to a mentoring role.

I feel bad for whomever signs up to sit next to Nicki and Mariah because frankly, I'd rather cut out each of my freckles with a rusty Swiss Army knife than have to endure their over-the-top personalities and the concoction of perfume, hairspray and adrenaline that whirls around them like a cloud of cloying toxicity. 

Nicki and Mariah together -- it's too much.

Too much makeup, too much attitude, too much glitter, too many distractions. We always enjoyed an AI focal point on the judges panel. In the beginning, we viewers focused our attention on Simon Cowell. Sure, Paula Abdul would occasionally catch our eye when she slurred like a drunk mom and clapped like a seal, but for the most part, Simon had our full attention.

And when he left, we looked to Randy. Then when J. Lo came on, it was all eyes on her. Now, with Nicki and Mariah, we won't know where to turn. Watching them talk to the contestants from their table will be like watching a tennis match, only the tennis ball is made of fire and we're doused in lighter fluid. We'll stare at our TVs wide-eyed and terrified, totally unable to look away. Not exactly what I call a pleasant viewing experience.

There's only room for one ginormous ego on the Idol judges' panel, and I'm afraid with two, the show might explode, leaving an ambrosial wake of hair extensions and nail art flowing down the aisles.

I miss drunk Paula now more than ever.

Do you think Nicki Minaj will make a good Idol judge?

 

Photo via Christopher Macsurac/Flickr

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