Who has lovely blond highlights, some gorgeous diamond earrings, and a DUI charge? Nope, Lindsay Lohan wasn't pulled over this week, it was Joe Simpson, Jessica Simpson's dad. The 54-year-old was arrested for suspicion of boozing and cruising at 10 p.m. on August 4, and spent the night in jail before being released in the morning. This is Joe's first crime, if you don't count the dye job and the jewelry, and he'll likely walk away from this with a slap on the wrist. No mug shot has been released (damn!) and this will soon be water under the bridge, but come on, Papa Joe, the creepiest minister dadager that ever was, got arrested for a DUI. That's gossip gold.
There's something about him that really creeps me out. Watching Newlyweds, only the best reality TV show in the whole world, you cannot even try and fight me on that, it was glorious, made me realize that Joe's pretty controlling. Granted, Jess was very young when she married Nick Lachey, but Papa Joe just kept on inserting himself.
He and Nick never really got along (and hello, who doesn't love Nick Lachey, terrorists, that's who) and I felt like at any moment, Nick and Jess would turn a corner in their house, and there'd be Joe, standing on the corner table like a leering vampire ready to feast on and/or destroy everything he's taken credit for creating. Just me?
And then, poor Ashlee Simpson, with her whole SNL debacle ... dadager Joe really fumbled that one, didn't he. Not only am I sure he convinced her to lip sync, but I'm also positive he was behind the decision to blame the flub on the band at the end of the show. Bad moves, bad moves all around.
Anywhoosle, I've (clearly) never been a fan of Papa Joe's, and while this DUI seems to make a lot of sense, I'm not, like, happy about it. However, I will say that it confirms my suspicion that any man in his 50s with frosted tips and frosted ears should not be trusted.
Thoughts on Joe Simpson's DUI?
Photo via Jason Merritt/Getty