taylor lautner robert pattinson"Look, I drew Kristen with devil horns!"You know, I'm not surprised to hear that Taylor Lautner is reportedly "absolutely disgusted" with Kristen Stewart. Maybe it's just that whole earnest young wolf vibe, but I've always thought of TLaut as the kind of guy who tries to do the right thing. The kind of guy who stands up for his buddies (ahem, Robert Pattinson) when they're feeling down. The kind of guy who lives by a code. A code which in this case happens to be: "Bros before hoes."

Oh, to be a fly on the wall when these dudes go out for traditional "Screw her, man! You're better off without that bitch!" beers!

Of course Robert Pattinson is a typical Brit, all emotionally reserved and whatnot (I'm just assuming), so he'd probably do the "I'm fine, man, really" thing for the first round or two. And Taylor Lautner, because he's all sensitive and whatnot (I'm just assuming), would probably be like "Okay, I'm not gonna push, but I'm here if you want to talk."

THEN the bartender would all of a sudden realize, Hey, aren't those dudes from that vampire movie? Maybe they could give me a part in the next one! My mom says I'm a pretty handsome guy.

More from The Stir: Rob Pattinson's Drunk Dials to Kristen Stewart: A Sneak Peek

So he'd grab a bottle of whiskey and pour TLaut and RPattz a couple of shots "on the house." And then ...

"I just don't know how I'm going to live without her, you know? And that slimy bastard Rupert! I knew he was after her from the start! And (sniff, sniff) she even wore my hat!"

At which point Taylor would provide a most buff shoulder to cry on. And then, when Robert was finally all sobbed out, Taylor would start doing funny little impressions of Kristen Stewart ("Remember how she used to bite her lip all the time? Look at me, I'm Kristen Stewart, biting my lip!") until RPattz was laughing and then they'd do more shots and laugh more and do more shots and get into a bar brawl with some guy vaguely resembling Rupert Sanders. 

And of course, the night would end with a fist bump and this solemn promise: Bros before hoes.

Do you think Taylor Lautner is taking Robert Pattinson's side over Kristen Stewart?


Image via Gage Skidmore/Flickr