Taylor Lautner Is 'Absolutely Disgusted' With Kristen Stewart

taylor lautner robert pattinson"Look, I drew Kristen with devil horns!"You know, I'm not surprised to hear that Taylor Lautner is reportedly "absolutely disgusted" with Kristen Stewart. Maybe it's just that whole earnest young wolf vibe, but I've always thought of TLaut as the kind of guy who tries to do the right thing. The kind of guy who stands up for his buddies (ahem, Robert Pattinson) when they're feeling down. The kind of guy who lives by a code. A code which in this case happens to be: "Bros before hoes."

Oh, to be a fly on the wall when these dudes go out for traditional "Screw her, man! You're better off without that bitch!" beers!

Of course Robert Pattinson is a typical Brit, all emotionally reserved and whatnot (I'm just assuming), so he'd probably do the "I'm fine, man, really" thing for the first round or two. And Taylor Lautner, because he's all sensitive and whatnot (I'm just assuming), would probably be like "Okay, I'm not gonna push, but I'm here if you want to talk."

THEN the bartender would all of a sudden realize, Hey, aren't those dudes from that vampire movie? Maybe they could give me a part in the next one! My mom says I'm a pretty handsome guy.

More from The Stir: Rob Pattinson's Drunk Dials to Kristen Stewart: A Sneak Peek

So he'd grab a bottle of whiskey and pour TLaut and RPattz a couple of shots "on the house." And then ...

"I just don't know how I'm going to live without her, you know? And that slimy bastard Rupert! I knew he was after her from the start! And (sniff, sniff) she even wore my hat!"

At which point Taylor would provide a most buff shoulder to cry on. And then, when Robert was finally all sobbed out, Taylor would start doing funny little impressions of Kristen Stewart ("Remember how she used to bite her lip all the time? Look at me, I'm Kristen Stewart, biting my lip!") until RPattz was laughing and then they'd do more shots and laugh more and do more shots and get into a bar brawl with some guy vaguely resembling Rupert Sanders

And of course, the night would end with a fist bump and this solemn promise: Bros before hoes.

Do you think Taylor Lautner is taking Robert Pattinson's side over Kristen Stewart?

Image via Gage Skidmore/Flickr

celeb couples, celebrity gossip, kristen stewart, robert pattinson, twilight, taylor lautner


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Lulu425 Lulu425

Is there any article about this that genuinely isn't made-up bullshit?

megan... meganxox429

yeah yeah.... this is getting so old.

peshi... peshiktha

 You know robert you had a good thing with kristy hope your friendship stay good friends in the movies

aReal... aRealteenMother

..can you guys just stop posting articles about this until you have some real information?

forev... foreverhismommy

and your supposed to be an established writer..............yeah ummm if I never read something you wrote again after this it would be too soon!

Cleva... ClevaSidra

Are you for real? lame.

All above comments minus one re: this topic, are AWESOME, btw.

Yay! for Talor being a supportive friend

thing... thingz123

I don't think he is saying anything to Rob about this situation whatsoever. All of the Twilight cast seems to be maintaining a hands off/anti ragging policy, as I am sure that the Hand That Feeds Them (Summit) has told them to.

jodie... jodieharp

okay yall let's take our serious pants off for a second and realize this is a joke...you know...hahaha.  

needa... needadvice1983

Omg I actually loled on that. Not because I think it really would happen, but because someone actually took the time to sit and think that whole thing out and then write it down! Man get a life! He's not the first guy to be cheated on. He most certainly won't be the last. And I doubt he will be alone for long.

princ... princezzmommie

the news in this comment is where?

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