Details continue to emerge regarding this year's Watergate, AKA the Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart/Rupert Sanders cheating scandal, and each day, it seems they get more elaborate and more personal. So elaborate and so personal, in fact, that I'm starting to wonder if all of this nonsense is really real, or if it's just a cruel joke Hollywood's decided to play on us. That said, here's today's Robsten gossip: Robert Pattinson is now drunk dialing Kristen Stewart. And we have a transcript of what he's saying ...
Did I say "we have a transcript"? I meant we're imagining a transcript. Same diff. Anyway, here's what Rob is (probably not) saying to Kristen when he dials under the influence.
Voicemail 1: (Long pause, lots of fumbling, then) F**k you. (Hangs up)
Voicemail 2: (Slurring) I didn't mean that ... You just-- (Cuts out)
Voicemail 3: Sorry, my phone is dying. I'm calling from Reese's land line right now. I don't even know where I am ... I think it's a study or something? (Pause, takes a swig of something) See an old picture of Ryan Phillippe. (Pause, heavy breathing) You really messed things up ... You lied to-- how did all these Skittles get in my pocket? (Hangs up)
Voicemail 4: Hey, do you know how to get rid of the hiccups? (Hiccup)
Voicemail 5: Where are you?! You're the one who cheated on me! You're supposed to answer! (Loud crash) I gotta go.
Voicemail 6: That was a knight. Like a guy in a suit of armor ... A statue, though. There wasn't anyone in there. I love you. (Hangs up)
Voicemail 7: I hate you.
Voicemail 8: Did you just call me?
Voicemail 9: (Sound of a bunch of numbers being pushed; pause) Hello?
Voicemail 10: (Chewing, then) Have you ever gotten mole sauce with a burrito at Baja Fresh?
Voicemail 11: This might sound like a weird question, but do you know how to get blood out of carpet? Like, a lot of blood?
Voicemail 12: I'm just calling to let you know we're done. So don't even try to contact me. You blew it. Your loss.
Voicemail 13 is met with: I'm sorry, the mailbox of the person you are trying to call is full.
What do you think of Rob drunk dialing Kristen?
Image via Pacific Coast News