So let's say -- and this is, of course, a purely hypothetical question -- let's say you were planning to stalk Johnny Depp. Not like some crazed fan, mind you -- more like a documentary filmmaker or a biographer, collecting the most detailed Depp-related data possible. (Because frankly, what kind of lazy documentary filmmaker would you be if you didn't keep tabs on his every move? You might miss something important, after all!)
Anyway, if you're going to stalk a guy, clearly you need to know all about his favorite places to hang out. And remember, this is JOHNNY DEPP we're talking about here, not Lindsay Lohan -- so the usual celeb-stalking tactics (Hey, follow that Porsche with the banged-up bumper!) won't cut it.
Lucky for you, I've done my hypothetical research. So if you find yourself forced to stalk Johnny Depp -- like, for professional reasons -- here's where to find him:
1. The Pink Taco, West Hollywood No, it's not a strip joint -- The Pink Taco is a Mexican restaurant-type hotspot where Depp was recently spotted at an Aerosmith after-party with the likes of "Jim Carrey, Seth Green, Lana Del Rey, and the guys from Tokio Hotel."
2. The World Place Restaurant, Paris If I ever end up at this place, I'm afraid I'll never leave -- located in an "old movie theatre" near the Champs Elysées, this place is owned by the Holy Trinity of Cool: Depp, Sean Penn, and John Malkovich. Plus it's known for excellent French food, moody purple lighting and beautiful chandeliers. Reservation for one, s'il vous plait?
3. Pete's Tavern, NYC Even if Johnny doesn't show up, it's worth tying one on at the "oldest continuously operating restaurant & bar in NYC." This is where Depp was once spotted having drinks with the late, great Hunter S. Thompson. Can you imagine the conversation those two must've had? Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, the unabridged version.
4. Santana's Grill, Little Exuma, Bahamas It's a tough job, but somebody's gotta check out the "open-air beach shack" Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom frequented while filming Pirates of the Caribbean.
5. Brangelina's Place, South of France By which I mean Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's castle or chateau or whatever it is. Granted, this rumor has not been confirmed, but "sources" say Zahara and Shiloh, concerned their "Uncle Johnny" hasn't been eating enough since his split with "Auntie Vanessa," invited Depp over for a lunch of PB&J with a side of mac 'n' cheese (with Oreos for dessert). AWWWW!!!
Clearly we have some frequent flier miles to rack up, fellow stalkers biographers. But where to start?!
What would you do if you saw Johnny Depp at one of his favorite hangouts?
Image via TMZ