I'm sure at some point the Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson craziness will lose steam and the tabloids will go back to focusing on some other hapless celebrity (by the way, how relieved is Tom Cruise right now? He probably used his Scientology mind powers to engineer the entire cheating scandal!), but now is not that time. In fact, as if the actual photographic proof and dramatic confessions of infidelity weren't salacious enough, the rumors just seem to be getting more bizarre as the days go by.
With the caveat that what I'm about to share with you is almost certainly pure bullshit, here's a roundup of the most out-there rumors about what Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have been up to over the last few days:
Kristen's pregnant -- and she doesn't know who the father is! Oh, the downfalls of playing hide-the-salami with more than one guy. According to that bastion of journalistic integrity, Star magazine, Stewart is "sick with worry because she missed her period." She's also reportedly trying like hell to get Rob back so she can raise ... well, whoever's baby it is with him: "Right now, she’d give anything to carry Rob’s baby ... but Kristen can’t be sure if it’s Rob’s or Rupert’s. She’s praying like crazy that it’s a false alarm.”
Sure, Kristen Stewart told some tabloid-blabbing friend the details of her menstrual cycle. Sure, she was actually boning Sanders, not just making out with him in cars. Sure, she'd give anything to be a parent right now. Suuuuuuuuure.
Kristen and Robert are fighting over their dog! OMG, they're in a bitter custody fight over their dog, Bear! OMG, Kristen asked for joint custody! OMG, this is so ridiculous.
It's Pattinson's dog, he adopted Bear from a Louisiana shelter while he was filming Breaking Dawn in 2011. I'm thinking a battle over his dog is the last thing Stewart's pressuring him with right now.
Kristen cheated because of Emilie de Ravin! The real reason Kristen hooked up with Rupert Sanders? It was Stewart’s jealousy over Robert's friendship with actress Emilie de Ravin that drove her into another man's arms -- because she couldn’t “cope with Rob being close friends with another woman.” In fact, there's PROOF Robert cheated first! Check out this picture of Robert and Emilie kissing! OMFG!!!!
Of course, that photo is actually a shot from the movie Remember Me that Pattinson and de Ravin filmed together in 2009. So.
Robert canceled his Cosmopolis press appearance because he's so heartbroken! According to several breathless reports, Pattinson backed out of the commitment because he “isn’t quite ready to face the media in the wake of girlfriend Kristen Stewart’s cheating scandal.”
According to Pattinson's actual rep, "Cosmopolis is a film that Robert is very proud of and looks forward to supporting. No confirmed engagements have been canceled. Any reports to the contrary are inaccurate.”
Robert is hooking up with Katy Perry! The headline of this article screams KATY PERRY GETS COZY IN A BIKINI WITH ROBERT PATTINSON! Katy recently donned a bikini and cozied up to Rob as she relaxed poolside in Miami on Thursday, July 26! See the pic and read on for all the details!
In reality, she was reading the newest issue of Blackbook magazine, which has an interview with Rob in it. Although I guess it's true she was wearing a bikini, so HOLY CRAP THEY ARE TOTALLY DOING IT.
What's the craziest Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson rumor you've come across lately? Do you believe any of them?
Image via Gage Skidmore/Flickr