Of all the amazing phrases coined on television, there is one that stands out among the rest: Real Housewives of Orange County's Tamra Barney calling Alexis Bellino "Jesus Jugs." I swear to you-know-who, when Tamra uttered that golden line, the clouds parted, a beam of sunlight lit upon the Bravo studios, and the comedy gods smiled upon us all.
Er, but of course it's totally offensive to many people! Bad Tamra, bad, bad! No wonder Alexis and her husband Jim Bellino are threatening to sue you. I'd want to sue you, too, if you'd used that brilliant humdinger of a sticky bon mot against me.
In a statement to Us Weekly, Alexis and Jim say they understand that the whole point of reality TV is drama, drama, drama, but they think Tamra crossed a line. "The escalation of Tamra Barney's attacks has reached the level that we have been advised to take legal action ... we are prepared to defend ourselves against these unfounded, slanderous, and defamatory remarks to the fullest extent of the law."
Unfounded, slanderous, defamatory remarks? Is this about more than just the Jesus Jugs?
Apparently it is. In her blog on Bravo (according to Us Weekly -- this particular post appears to have been taken down), Tamra felt the need to 'splain her phraseology. You see, it's about Alexis' hypocrisy, right? "Alexis and Jim are faux Christians, like her ring. Does she think Jesus would be proud of her for judging me as a Christian, and the crosses in my house? Jim Bellino used to take Peggy Tanous to strip clubs after church when they were dating!"
Okay, faux Christians: That's hard to prove one way or another in a court of law. But taking Peggy Tanous to strip clubs after church?!? No wonder that little detail has disappeared from Bravo's website. I guess the threat worked. Instead we now have this nice apology.
But girlfriend is still not letting go. Alexis wrote in her Bravo blog: "Jesus Jugs doesn't just cross the line, it catapults over it. That comment has offended Christians everywhere. How does she decorate her home in crosses yet make a remark like that without an ounce of guilt? Then she is promoting Jesus Jugs wine glasses her Facebook page ..."
Wait, what? Really? Because I looked and I couldn't find them on the Wines by Wives page. I mean, brilliant idea and all, but now I'm thinking of suing Tamra, too, on grounds of I'm disappointed I can't buy astonishingly vulgar Housewives swag.
Anyway, defamation schmefamation. I don't think Alexis and Jim are talking about suing Tamra because of defamation, or false claims, or any of that. I think it's because they're witless knuckleheads who couldn't come up with a phrase as delicious as Jesus Jugs. And because ultimately, there is no way to come back from Jesus Jugs. Alexis is stuck with that moniker. Forever. And no amount of suing is ever going to erase that.
What do you think of Jim and Alexis threatening to sue Tamra?
Image via Bravo