While we're waiting for the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, there's another way you can get your Fifty Shades: Via audio book. Yes, spend some quality time with your vibrator, Christian, Ana, and the sexy vocal stylings of Fran Drescher -- (record player scratch sound) WAIT. Who?
Oh, Fran Drescher is not the ideal narrator for a Fifty Shades audio book? Well then, how about Miss Piggy? SpongeBob SquarePants? Herbert from Family Guy? Welcome to my new favorite game: Worst Fifty Shades Audio Book Narrator. If you look now on Twitter, you'll see a hilarious list of the LAST people we'd ever want to hear say the words "nipple clamp." Like ... Stephen Hawking!
1. He's a brilliant physicist, sure. But here's how Stephen Hawking sounds reading the most notorious scene from Fifty Shades. Oh.Dr.Hawking.Will.I.Ever.Get.Enough.Of.You.
2. Your mom.
3. Yoda. @eddo75 demonstrates: "Moist mess I was as he touched me, mm?'”
4. Gilbert Gottfried. But if you ask him, Gilbert thinks he's the sexiest Fifty Shades narrator. We'll let you be the judge.
5. Bobcat Goldthwait. "That's a SMAAAAAASHING BLAAAAAAAGHS you're wearing!"
6. The Moviefone guy.
7. Dora the Explorer. "Can YOU find Ana's g-spot? Point to it! Muy bueno!"
8. YouTube "sensation" Fred.
9. Kim Kardashian.
10. Annoying Orange.
11. Ellen DeGeneres. Remember her reading? Well, she tried.
12. Pee-wee Herman.
13. Darius "Baby Voice" from The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl.
14. JoAnn from Bensonhurst. We love ya, JoAnn, but ...
15. William Shatner.
Who do you think belongs on the list of Worst Fifty Shades Audio Book Narrator?
Image via JestComedy/YouTube