Tom Cruise. Tommy Boy. Tom-Tom. Tom Without a Kat. If there's one thing we know for sure about good old Maverick, it's that every move the man makes is calculated. Choreographed. Tested for audience approval. So it goes without saying that the whole "saddened silence" thing he's been copping since Katie Holmes filed for divorce is no accidental stance. His lawyer even admitted as much! According to attorney Bert Fields:
"We are letting 'the other side' play the media until they wear everyone out and then we'll have something to say."
Oh, you know they're gonna have something to say. And it will be a carefully, cunningly crafted tale in which we will learn exactly why Katie Holmes is to blame for the relationship's demise. In other words, probably a LIE! But a very skillfully told lie, a story lots of people will no doubt believe. Clever, clever Cruise (and his PR team). I can't wait to see what kind of monster he paints his soon-to-be ex out to be ...
1. Katie Holmes: Starf*cker. Oh, woe is Tom! Katie Holmes wrung him out like a sponge, squeezing out every last drop of celeb power and then coldheartedly abandoned the aging heartthrob. "All I wanted was to love her ... "
2. Katie Holmes: Drunk & Disorderly. And you thought Lindsay Lohan was bad! I can see the tears welling up in Tom's eyes now ... "Oprah, it was like a living hell. The pills, the booze ... I begged her to stop!"
3. Katie Holmes: Unfaithful. Tom tried, he tried to keep up with Katie's voracious sexual appetite, but he's just ONE MAN! For the love of god! The pizza delivery guy, the pool boy ... Gwyneth Paltrow's fishmonger. "She's an addict, she needs Dr. Drew!"
4. Katie Holmes: Batsh*t Crazy. And you thought old school Britney Spears was bad! I can see the tears welling up in Tom's eyes now ... "Oprah, it was like a living hell. The rage, the head-shaving ... I begged her to get help!"
Katie, we believe you no matter what he says!!!
What do you think Tom Cruise will say about Katie Holmes?