Fifty Shades of Grey! Fifty Shades of Grey! Fifty Shades of ... ahhhh! Somebody get me an aspirin. I have not read this book. I have no plans to read this book. And yet I hear about this damn book so much it feels like I've read it. Ackk!! Why do I have no interest in it? I don't know exactly. I don't want to eat a live squid either and no one asks me to explain that.
But if I HAVE to give reasons, here are some: I read two paragraphs of the sample chapters on Amazon and couldn't get any farther. (Okay, so I read some.) I have other books that I want to read, and time is limited, so why would I waste my time reading something I don't? I do not judge you for reading the book (well, I do, but silently), so please do not judge me for not reading. Deal?
Maybe you also know some elusive women who don't want to read this book. Here are 11 annoying things Fifty Shades fans say to them. And shouldn't!
More from The Stir: 9 Quotes the '50 Shades of Grey' Movie Needs to Sizzle
"What, you don't like sex?"
(I like sex. Actual sex. That takes place in reality.)
"Don't you like Twilight?"
(No. And that's another list.)
"I wasn't going to read it but all my friends are."
(I hope all of your friends don't decide to jump off a bridge.)
"It was either this or War and Peace and I went with this."
(Please do not repeat that to anyone.)
"Okay, so the writing is bad, but I don't read books for the writing."
(So you also date people you don't like and eat things that make you puke.)
"I just read it for the sex. It's not easy to find a book with a lot of sex in it."
(Anaïs Nin is rolling in her grave.)
"But it will make your sex life so much hotter."
(Yoga might make me calmer, but I'm not going to torture myself with that either.)
"Wait, you're a writer, too. Is this because you're jealous of this book's success?"
(Jealous?? Of her selling five bajillion copies and being a billionaire??? Bwahahah. Surely you jest. Ahem.)
"I hated it. Just bought the third book."
(You'll hate Anaïs Nin too, I promise.)
"If you don't read it, how you will you understand the movie?"
(I'll get a translator. Or not see the movie. You guess which one.)
"You just don't appreciate good literature."
(...)
Do you know anyone who hasn't read the book? Is it you? Can we be friends?
Image via Amazon
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Comments 210
Hallelujah!! I've found my people!! hahaha I am so sick of this freaky obsession going on & on about this book!! They speak as if these are real people in their lives!I have one friend who went from posting about her love & devotion to Edward Cullen from Twilight on her FB to now Christian or whoever the guy in thre book is. It is really irritating!! I haven't read it, don't plan on reading it!
Shoot I read it and don't understand all the excitement. It just isnt that great of a story and the writing is mediocre at best. Feeling robbed for having paid to read the dumb thing but with everyone constantly going on about how great this book is I wanted to see what all the fuss about. I love Ann Rice's erotic novels, The Story of O, ect. If you want to read a steamy novel there are far better ones to spend time with.
never read it, never will!!!
I loved the books. And not for the sex. They have a real love story, their emails and texts to each other are just really sweet. And yes, the writing is repetitive, but the characters and storyline kept me hooked. Ana doesn't put up w/ Christian's crap. I don't like Twilight at all, but I loved these. A majority of the sex is in the 1st book. Yeah there's some in the 2nd and 3rd, but its not centered around it. There's just crazy ex bosses and ex subs!
Thank you! Never read this and do NOT plan to!!
I am about a third of the way in to the first book. I just had to see what all the hype was about. So far I am not at all impressed... it's steamy... but boring. Aside from the sex there is no real plot. The main girl is SO FREAKING annoying!! I'm just so bored that I don't think I'll finish it. As for the movie... I can't imagine how this movie will be able to be in a theater. I see it as only being for sale in the back of the porn shop... any decent actor would not want this role.
Add me to the list of those who've tried it and couldn't drag herself through the drivel to get to the sex. And really, the sex is stupid. As in, inanane and completely unrealistic. I couldn't do it. I tried, but I just couldn't do it.
I haven't read it and I don't plan to the fact that so many people openly say it is poorly written is reason enough for me. But, the the truth is that my own real sex life is tantilizing enough for me.
Jesus really loves you!! LOL!! I thought I was the only person with a vagina that had not read this junk. I pretty much chocked it up that the chicks who read this and are soooo into it just need to get some really good pipe laid on em.