Fifty Shades of Grey! Fifty Shades of Grey! Fifty Shades of ... ahhhh! Somebody get me an aspirin. I have not read this book. I have no plans to read this book. And yet I hear about this damn book so much it feels like I've read it. Ackk!! Why do I have no interest in it? I don't know exactly. I don't want to eat a live squid either and no one asks me to explain that.
But if I HAVE to give reasons, here are some: I read two paragraphs of the sample chapters on Amazon and couldn't get any farther. (Okay, so I read some.) I have other books that I want to read, and time is limited, so why would I waste my time reading something I don't? I do not judge you for reading the book (well, I do, but silently), so please do not judge me for not reading. Deal?
Maybe you also know some elusive women who don't want to read this book. Here are 11 annoying things Fifty Shades fans say to them. And shouldn't!
More from The Stir: 9 Quotes the '50 Shades of Grey' Movie Needs to Sizzle
"What, you don't like sex?"
(I like sex. Actual sex. That takes place in reality.)
"Don't you like Twilight?"
(No. And that's another list.)
"I wasn't going to read it but all my friends are."
(I hope all of your friends don't decide to jump off a bridge.)
"It was either this or War and Peace and I went with this."
(Please do not repeat that to anyone.)
"Okay, so the writing is bad, but I don't read books for the writing."
(So you also date people you don't like and eat things that make you puke.)
"I just read it for the sex. It's not easy to find a book with a lot of sex in it."
(Anaïs Nin is rolling in her grave.)
"But it will make your sex life so much hotter."
(Yoga might make me calmer, but I'm not going to torture myself with that either.)
"Wait, you're a writer, too. Is this because you're jealous of this book's success?"
(Jealous?? Of her selling five bajillion copies and being a billionaire??? Bwahahah. Surely you jest. Ahem.)
"I hated it. Just bought the third book."
(You'll hate Anaïs Nin too, I promise.)
"If you don't read it, how you will you understand the movie?"
(I'll get a translator. Or not see the movie. You guess which one.)
"You just don't appreciate good literature."
(...)
Do you know anyone who hasn't read the book? Is it you? Can we be friends?
Image via Amazon
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Comments 210
I've heard of 50 Shades of Gray but have no idea what it's about, besides sex... I have no interest in reading it either... just like Twilight.
I'm in the 'haven't read it' group. And the comment that drives me nuts (which I've only gotten online, not from actual people I've talked to) is... "oh, so you're one of those who only has "vanilla sex"?" Really? Because I haven't read this one book, I must be boring in the bedroom, laying back and thinking of England?? Hah!
I don't have an e-reader. I have a trusted friend who has read it and said, "eh, it's ok". If SHE passes it to me, then I'll give it a try. Otherwise, I'm not making any effort to add it to my read list.
Not interested in the book or the movie. I honestly do not understand the hype. It isn't ike sex in a book is a novel idea, besides I usually just scim over those scenes anyway.
I didn't read the book and almost didn't read this too because I am so. freaking. sick. of hearing about this book.
You can totally be my friend.
I read that it is basically about an abusive/controlling relationship. I'm not interested in that. Besides, when your past experiences exceed those in the book, it has no attraction.
This was great! I haven't read the book and have no interest in doing so, we are on the same page.
I've started reading the first one...and I keep reading it waiting for something to happent that's worth reading....and it's not happening. I won't be reading the others.
haven't and won't. i don't pay good money for overblown fan fic. Anne Rice has a few seriously racy novels too. i'd rather read those.