Fifty Shades of Grey! Fifty Shades of Grey! Fifty Shades of ... ahhhh! Somebody get me an aspirin. I have not read this book. I have no plans to read this book. And yet I hear about this damn book so much it feels like I've read it. Ackk!! Why do I have no interest in it? I don't know exactly. I don't want to eat a live squid either and no one asks me to explain that.
But if I HAVE to give reasons, here are some: I read two paragraphs of the sample chapters on Amazon and couldn't get any farther. (Okay, so I read some.) I have other books that I want to read, and time is limited, so why would I waste my time reading something I don't? I do not judge you for reading the book (well, I do, but silently), so please do not judge me for not reading. Deal?
Maybe you also know some elusive women who don't want to read this book. Here are 11 annoying things Fifty Shades fans say to them. And shouldn't!
More from The Stir: 9 Quotes the '50 Shades of Grey' Movie Needs to Sizzle
"What, you don't like sex?"
(I like sex. Actual sex. That takes place in reality.)
"Don't you like Twilight?"
(No. And that's another list.)
"I wasn't going to read it but all my friends are."
(I hope all of your friends don't decide to jump off a bridge.)
"It was either this or War and Peace and I went with this."
(Please do not repeat that to anyone.)
"Okay, so the writing is bad, but I don't read books for the writing."
(So you also date people you don't like and eat things that make you puke.)
"I just read it for the sex. It's not easy to find a book with a lot of sex in it."
(Anaïs Nin is rolling in her grave.)
"But it will make your sex life so much hotter."
(Yoga might make me calmer, but I'm not going to torture myself with that either.)
"Wait, you're a writer, too. Is this because you're jealous of this book's success?"
(Jealous?? Of her selling five bajillion copies and being a billionaire??? Bwahahah. Surely you jest. Ahem.)
"I hated it. Just bought the third book."
(You'll hate Anaïs Nin too, I promise.)
"If you don't read it, how you will you understand the movie?"
(I'll get a translator. Or not see the movie. You guess which one.)
"You just don't appreciate good literature."
(...)
Do you know anyone who hasn't read the book? Is it you? Can we be friends?
Image via Amazon
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Comments 210
I read the sample on Amazon also, and found a few quotes elsewhere. It's the most insipid drivel ever. It sounds like an imaginative, moderately articulate (for a fourteen year old) fourteen year old with no actual sexual or other worldly experience whatsoever and a lot of preconceived notions about what would be fun in the sack wrote it after watching s&m pornos at a friend's house. I read a review criticizing the multitudinous uses of phrases like, "chewed her bottom lip," "pursed her lips," "cocked her head to the side," nine hundred iterations of the word "crap," nine hundred different things that were "x shades of _____," etc. I didn't expect to see several examples in just the short Amazon sample alone. I could understand it being a real page-turner for a horny virgin. For an actual adult who's participated in at least one actual adult relationship, I can't understand the appeal. It's so silly that I'd be embarrassed for the author if she hadn't inexplicably hit the freaking jackpot with it. Sad.
I read most of it. I also read Twilight. I read both because I wanted to be able to argue EXACT POINTS of why it sucked. I read all 4 books in the Twilight series, and I've read most of 50 Shades of Su----Grey.....
I agree with the thing about Anais Nin's books. I think people who think books don't have enough sex in them haven't looked in the right places. There's plenty of sex and domination in lots of books.
Dangerous Liaisons by Choderlos de Laclos: RIFE with sex, plenty of power play, sex with underage girls, teen pregnancy.. Plenty still in common with today's standards (not that I agree with teen pregnancy or statutory rape, but I don't agree with weird Vampire-inspired non-con either). The book is centuries old, and still wildly popular.
Don't even get me started on De Sade. People who read things like 50 Shades of Grey want the liberty and raunch of De Sade, but are afraid of it. At least 50 Shades is "safe" to them. It's Mom Porn.
The 18th century was absolutely full of sex and violence. I highly recommend reading about it. Hell. HISTORY is full of sex and violence. History is a BDSM power play. And it's still better written than Twilight.
I haven't read it, with no plans to read it. I love fanfic...I've read awesome fanfic. The fanficdom that this is from is a turn off, hence the reason why I won't be reading it. The movie...well I might watch it depending on director/stars. From what I've read, the movie might be filmed better than the books were written.
A recommendation if like raunch...read A Song of Fire and Ice series (aka Game of Thrones). Lots of naughty and it will take you months to read it. LOL