Fifty Shades of Grey! Fifty Shades of Grey! Fifty Shades of ... ahhhh! Somebody get me an aspirin. I have not read this book. I have no plans to read this book. And yet I hear about this damn book so much it feels like I've read it. Ackk!! Why do I have no interest in it? I don't know exactly. I don't want to eat a live squid either and no one asks me to explain that.
But if I HAVE to give reasons, here are some: I read two paragraphs of the sample chapters on Amazon and couldn't get any farther. (Okay, so I read some.) I have other books that I want to read, and time is limited, so why would I waste my time reading something I don't? I do not judge you for reading the book (well, I do, but silently), so please do not judge me for not reading. Deal?
Maybe you also know some elusive women who don't want to read this book. Here are 11 annoying things Fifty Shades fans say to them. And shouldn't!
More from The Stir: 9 Quotes the '50 Shades of Grey' Movie Needs to Sizzle
"What, you don't like sex?"
(I like sex. Actual sex. That takes place in reality.)
"Don't you like Twilight?"
(No. And that's another list.)
"I wasn't going to read it but all my friends are."
(I hope all of your friends don't decide to jump off a bridge.)
"It was either this or War and Peace and I went with this."
(Please do not repeat that to anyone.)
"Okay, so the writing is bad, but I don't read books for the writing."
(So you also date people you don't like and eat things that make you puke.)
"I just read it for the sex. It's not easy to find a book with a lot of sex in it."
(Anaïs Nin is rolling in her grave.)
"But it will make your sex life so much hotter."
(Yoga might make me calmer, but I'm not going to torture myself with that either.)
"Wait, you're a writer, too. Is this because you're jealous of this book's success?"
(Jealous?? Of her selling five bajillion copies and being a billionaire??? Bwahahah. Surely you jest. Ahem.)
"I hated it. Just bought the third book."
(You'll hate Anaïs Nin too, I promise.)
"If you don't read it, how you will you understand the movie?"
(I'll get a translator. Or not see the movie. You guess which one.)
"You just don't appreciate good literature."
(...)
Do you know anyone who hasn't read the book? Is it you? Can we be friends?
Image via Amazon
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Comments 210
I thought I might read it, ---but I probably won't. I tried to read " Twilight ". I couldn't get past the first chapter... Yawn.
*like*
Thank you! I started to roll my eyes when I saw yet another headline with FSOG in the title. I was contemplating boycotting thestir for their never-ending coverage of it. Now I may stick around for you (and Jenny Lawson, Aunt Becky, and Lindsay Ferrier :))
People who like Twilight really shouldn't make fun of Fifty Shades...Just saying. I read book one and did find myself getting wrapped up into it. Unless you read it all, you won't understand that there is a love story underneath all the sex. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst either.
Uh, neither my wife nor I have read it. I don't intend to, and as far as I know, neither does my wife. We have actual lives to lead.
I have no desire to read the books either. I have heard quite a few friends/acquaintances/co-workers say things along the lines of "if you don't like the book or don't want to read it, you must be a prude and you need to get laid." No, not really. I just have no desire to read a poorly written, contrived book simply because it's popular or has lots of sexual content. I could just go read Anne Rice.
lol my sister was just asking me if i read it. this is the conversation:
sis: did you read it?
me: yes....until page 3.
sis: why did you stop?
me: because i felt like my brain was melting.
silence.
sis: ok than, next topic