Ever since his Tiger Blood phase, it's been pretty hard for me to imagine what sort of Charlie Sheen entertainment vehicle I might be interested in. An unexpected return to Two and a Half Men? Ugh. A 'Violent Torpedo of Truth' live performance? Bleah. Anger Management? Meh. His broadcast booth presence at the Mets-Yankees game this weekend? Snore.
Now that I've used up all my lackadaisical one-syllable criticisms for Sheen's recent career path, let me go ahead and flip things around completely for my reaction to the news he's going to be in Robert Rodriguez's Machete sequel: oh HELL yes.
If you missed it, Machete was a B-movie-style/exploitation action flick based on a fake trailer Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino released alongside their 2007 Grindhouse two film feature. It wasn't quite as awesome as I was hoping it would be, but despite the presence of both Jessica Alba and Lindsay Lohan, it managed to be pretty dang fun. (Basically, the Danny Trejo Factor trumped the shitty parts.)
If you thought the casting for the first movie was a little -- unusual? Bizarre? Utterly effing bonkers, what with Cheech Marin as a priest, Don Johnson as a racist border vigilante, Steven Seagal as a drug lord, and Robert De Niro as a corrupt senator? -- creative, the sequel seems to be promising more of the same. Trejo, Alba and Michelle Rodriguez will be back, along with uber-hotties Amber Heard, Sofia Vergara and Zoe Saldana.
Oh, and also Charlie Sheen … as the President of the United States. Winning!
The second film, which is due out in 2013, involves Machete (who, as you may remember, don't text) being recruited by the U.S. government to stop a cartel leader and arms dealer who have --
Hahahahahahahaaaa. Oh god, this is great. *wipes tear*
Who have deployed a weapon in space. HAAAAAA!
Well! I don't know what else you could possibly want in a movie, people. A terrib-awesome plot, a controversial nutbar of an actor -- actually, make that a double, because Mel Gibson's in this thing too -- and a bunch of gratuitous violence/T&A? Oh sure, you could ask for decent storylines and nuanced acting, but wouldn't you rather see Danny Trejo lop Sheen's head off with a giant cleaver while Sofia Vergara slowly takes off her bra? Look, I'm not saying that's for sure going to happen, I'm just saying the odds are in our FAVOR.
Who knows, this could even be the sort of oddball role that launches Sheen into a major Travolta/Pulp Fiction-esque comeback. Stranger things have happened, after all. (For instance: Travolta, Pulp Fiction.)
Did you see the first Machete movie? What do you think about this sequel?
Image via Amazon