50 Shades of Grey style blindfoldListen, people. There is something I think we can all agree on. You aren't reading Fifty Shades of Grey for the fine writing. You are reading it for the s-e-x.

Simmer down now. I'm not hating on Christian and Anastasia and their steamy romance. But even author E.L. James calls the best-selling trilogy more mid-life crisis than masterpiece. And with the Fifty Shades of Grey movie deal in the works, I think it's high time we put together a list of the cheesiest lines we do NOT want to see in this flick!

1. My Inner Goddess -- She can "sit in the lotus position," "do the merengue," or "do the dance of the seven veils" all she wants, as long as she does it far, far away!

2. My Subconscious -- Ditto. If she's not fully "conscious," let's leave her out of it. 

3. Sets His Mouth in a Hard Line -- What does that even look like? Go, take your phone to the nearest mirror. If you can make your mouth do this, please snap a picture. We don't think it can happen.

4. He's my very own Christian Grey flavor popsicle -- You know who eats popsicles? My 7-year-old. So just. Don't.

5. Unman Me -- For a guy who calls himself a "dom," this is a pretty strange phrase. Note to writers: Christian Grey's sex appeal is supposed be all about BEING a man!

Go ahead. Add yours! What lines from E.L. James' books would you rather not see or hear in the Fifty Shades of Grey movie?

 

Image via MadEmoiselle Sugar/Flickr