I'm about to disappoint you. I'm about to disappoint you so horribly that I hope you are sitting down. Seriously, I hope you are not operating any machinery, because when you hear this, you are going to feel as if the life force has been sucked out of you. And then you are going to wail uncontrollably. And then you might pull a few chunks out of your hair for good measure. Ready? Robert Pattinson, yes, the RPatz, EdCull, vampire hottinaire, KStew's man, was asked to do a graphic sex scene by the director of his latest movie, Cosmopolis. AND HE DECLINED.
I know, right? Let the wailing commence. But it's okay, because he at least describes what that frisky director, David Cronenberg, wanted him to do. And it's so kinky you won't ... let's just say I hope you're not operating any machinery.
RPatz, who plays a businessman in the new drama, which premiered at Cannes, recalled that Cronenberg said these words to him. And please don't tell me that you haven't run these very words in your mind quite often. Says RPatz:
Five minutes before we filmed, David told me, 'I want to see the bottom of your balls on the top of the frame.'
Say whaaat?! Can you imagine if that were actually filmed? I know you can, cause you're imagining it right now, aren't you? But, alas, Robert declined to press his man sac against the camera. Says Robert:
Fine, so Cronenberg took it well. The rest of us aren't taking it so well, Rob! We're dying over here. Oh, the wasted opportunities! But all is not lost. Rob says that there is some sort of scene in the movie that will equally blow our minds. "It's a very bizarre scene that you won't see again in another movie, I promise," he says.
Bizarre, Rob? Or ballzarre? Because unless your scrotum is involved, it's just not going to be the same, my friend. Nope.
Can you believe you missed the chance to see RPatz's balls?
Image via Getty
Something my kids handmade
A fun holiday at home with my family
Some time off!
Something just for me, like a plush robe