Well I never! Did you know that our chaste little Bella (AKA Kristen Stewart) has gone and given not one, but TWO men hand jobs in her newest movie, On the Road? Scandalous! "How will parents who took their daughters to see the Twilightmovies explain this?" scolds conservative media critic Dan Gainor. His readers wring their hands in agony, horrified at the prospect of exposing their innocent children to the horrors of naughty handshakes.
Congratulations, Kristen! You're are a growed-up woman actor now. You know you've made it when you start scaring the pants off conservative groups. But what about Kristen's Twi-hard fans? Can they bear to see their KStew in a threesome?
HELLO, wasn't the whole Twilight series practically a threesome between Bella, Edward and Jacob? Okay, fine, it wasn't explicit. I'm just sayin'.
Anyway, Ginor then goes on a rant about how much he hates it when child stars start out innocent and then grow up and star in provocative R-rated movies. Is it any surprise that his list consists of all women? Britney Spears, Mylie Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Elizabeth Berkley, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Alba. What is this world coming to?!? (And why doesn't he mention Ryan Gosling -- have you seen that Mouseketeer in Drive?)
Look, Peter Pan. Child stars grow up, become women, and and want to make movies for adults. Deal with it. You can't keep these stars locked up in a chaste Neverland forever. And you can't keep the stars' fans from growing up eventually, too.
How do you feel when former "child" stars go on to make adult-themed movies?
Image via On The Road/Facebook