You've heard the scuttlebutt on John Travolta, right? If you've missed the news, let me catch you up on the thrilling details: Travolta's being hit with a $2 million sexual battery and assault lawsuit from an unidentified masseur (referred in the legal documents as John Doe, which really puts the cherry on the porn sundae here) who claims that a mid-January massage with the actor morphed into a nasty incident involving Travolta grabbing the man's penis and offering to do a "reverse massage," before ultimately, ah, taking matters into his own hands.
You know: Travolta allegedly ordered some beef tips strokin' off. Went on a date with Fisty Palmer. Varnished his own pole.
Anyway, John Doe is suing over infliction of emotional distress "not limited to suffering, anguish, fright, horror, nervousness, grief, anxiety, worry, shock, humiliation and shame." If you're wondering whether Mr. Doe is being 100% honest about this whole thing … well, he claims he has PROOF of the incident.
Travolta's attorney Marty Singer says that the accusations are "complete fiction and fabrication" and that furthermore, Travolta wasn't even in Los Angles when this supposedly went down. Singer says he plans to sue not only the masseur but also the plaintiff's lawyer for malicious prosecution, and that his first step will be to bring a motion that forces the plaintiff to reveal his identity.
As for John Doe, Anonymous Masseur, he told Radar Online, "I have proof to support the truth that I’m telling." He also responded angrily to Singer's statement that he would "regret" filing the lawsuit, saying,
I represent the 99 per cent of the population, the working class, and I was put in an inappropriate situation that I didn’t put myself in. It is not for Mr. Singer to deny me my right!
Yeahhhhhh. Here's where I'm going to go ahead and bullshit on John Doe's story, because not only is he refusing to reveal any specific details about this so-called "proof," he kind of sounds, well, you know. *twirls finger next to temple, waggles eyebrows, makes cuckoo-clock sounds*
Doe also insists that his case is strong because he passed a lie detector test for the National Enquirer, and that "I'm ready for my day in court."
I certainly hope he really is ready, because Travolta's lawyer apparently specializes in this exact sort of lawsuit and seems more than eager to strike back with great vengeance and furious anger. But in the meantime, let's enjoy some of the juicier details from the suit:
• Travolta allegedly had condoms in the console and "2 or 3 chocolate cake wrappers" on the floor of his SUV when he picked up the plaintiff
• An overweight man preparing hamburgers was present before the massage
• Travolta allegedly "snickered to himself like a mischievous child" before touching the Plaintiff's penis
• Defendant's penis was roughly 8 inches in length with "wiry and unkempt" pubic hair
It seriously just gets crazier from there, with allegations that Travolta said he got where he is now thanks to sexual favors he performed during his Welcome Back Kotter days and that Hollywood is controlled by gay Jewish men.
My call? This is a totally unfounded lawsuit cobbled together by an unstable individual who was probably hoping Travolta's reps would throw money at him to keep this from turning into a scandal. Too late on that one, but I'm guessing Mr. Doe is going to find it pretty hard to prove any of this actually happened.
Unless, of course, he really does have some sort of evidence. Hidden camera? FBI wire? A … blue dress, perhaps? (Oh dear god no.)
What's your call on this bizarre lawsuit—do you think any of it actually happened the way Mr. Doe describes?
Image via Flickr/Ackook