Imagine, if you will, if Fifty Shades of Grey had only been available in paperback. Can you picture every single one of the hundreds of thousands of people who bought the book brazenly reading it on the bus, on the beach, and in the doctor's waiting room? Where everyone could recognize that distinctive gray tie on the cover and know that the woman they were sitting next to was likely right at that very moment reading about Christian Grey wantonly plundering young Anastasia's ... uh, secret garden?
Of COURSE not, oh my god. A critical key to Fifty Shades' success was the fact that it could be discretely consumed on an e-reader. Few of us are brave enough to read porn in public, much less widely-recognized BDSM porn.
As cringe-worthy as it might be to be caught reading it ("Hey, that's the S&M story my book club is doing next week!"), it's even worse to imagine reading it OUT LOUD. To other people. Which is why it is SO INCREDIBLY HILARIOUS to watch Ellen DeGeneres do it.
The premise is that Ellen was asked to record the audiobook version of everyone's favorite erotic novel. It starts out in familiar territory, but after that ... well, just take a look:
Okay, I seriously can't stop laughing at this awesome clip. For the love of god, people, DON'T EAT THE PANCAKES!
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What's extra great about Ellen's bit is that however smoking-hot some of us may have found the story while enjoying it within the relative privacy of an e-reader, it's just plain impossible to have a serious conversation about the vast majority of the book's scenes. I'm not going to lie, I read the whole thing in like an afternoon and maybe even burned through the rest of the trilogy over the next couple days, but sharing it is another thing entirely. I mean, let's just look at this together:
“Does this mean you’re going to make love to me tonight, Christian?” Holy shit. Did I just say that?
His mouth drops open slightly, but he recovers quickly. “No, Anastasia it doesn’t. Firstly, I don’t make love. I fuck ... hard. Secondly, there’s a lot more paperwork to do, and thirdly, you don’t yet know what you’re in for. You could still run for the hills. Come, I want to show you my playroom.”
My mouth drops open. Fuck hard! Holy shit, that sounds so ... hot. But why are we looking at a playroom?
Hahahahahahahahaaaa HAAAAAAAAAA oh god. I mean, "holy shit."
Maybe the inherent squirminess and hilarity is why there's no audiobook version yet? Or maybe they just haven't found the right voice for Anastasia? At any rate, if there ever is an audio version, I definitely hope Ellen at least does the intro or something. Laters, baby. *cracks whip*
How great is Ellen's take on Fifty Shades of Grey?
Image via YouTube
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Comments 34
Ellen is the worst dressed whatever on TV
@wolfman-well shes a helluva lot richer than you so Id say she can dress how she wants
Ellen is so freakin awesome!!!!!!
Ellen is so damn funny, but i think the main discussion that hasn't come up is the fact that, WHY is that men are not allowed to enjoy our erotica with out being looked unfavorably upon, and a woman can read these books which tend to be more racy than the pictures we "look at".? Such a double standard and why we as Americans are so mixed up about sex. Men and Woman love engaging in very erotic and "taboo" sex, but we are forced to hide out likes and fantasies because it is deemed immoral or not proper. I believe that what ever your into, you should be able to enjoy with a "willing" sex partner and that anything that brings us to orgasm should be embraced. For most of us, sex is never guaranteed or lasts long enough, so we should enjoy each time we are afforded the chance to partake of out inner most fantasies without being judged. Woman tell men were are perverts for our porn, but it is OK for the written word of porn. I would much rather see it than have to read it.... but to each their own!!! and BTW... "don't eat the pancakes. who knows what that syrup might be!!!! LOL
Which isn't a bad thing....I love both princess Di and Ellen.
Oh there is an audiobook version and its hilarious! Most of the reviews say that they hate the girl that reads it and that she sounds like a 15 year old so they feel like a pervert listening to it. That is why I opted for the e-reader version. ha ha I loved this clip so much!
lmao!! Ellen rocks!!