'Walking Dead' Recap: The Big Zombie Mystery Finally Revealed

(Warning: as always, spoilers ahead!) Okay, Walking Dead fans, where were we? Oh, right: Shane and Rick continued to be engaged in a seemingly endless pissing contest, Randall the FNG was spared from the groupthink decision to have him executed, Carl's innocent young psyche was showing disturbing signs of apocalypse-related wear and tear, and Dale—pretty much the sole remaining voice of moral reasoning among the survivors—got torn apart by a zombie. Also, Lori's hair still looks like hell.

As for tonight's episode, let's review what all went down:


We start things out with a disturbing juxtaposition of Rick sermonizing over Dale's funeral while elsewhere in time, Shane, Andrea, T-Dog, and Daryl reenact the Office Space printer beatdown on a walker. "This is how we honor Dale, by healing as a group," says Rick, solemnly, before the scene cuts to Andrea driving a pitchfork through a walker's head. In—ugh!—Dale's name—*blort!* *crack!*— we—*splatter* *stab*—trust!

At the farm, Hershel tells the gang that it's time everyone moves from their ramshackle Tent City
into the house, what with the creek drying up and the deliciously zombie-tempting cows and all. Apparently Andrea's forgiven for the Beth suicide thing, or maybe Maggie's just distracted by her rebuffed attempt to get Glenn to share her vagina bedroom.

Carl confides in Shane that it's all his fault that Dale died on account of the quicksand zombie and all, and Shane advises him to hang onto Daryl's gun, and ... hold up, didn't Carl leave that gun in the woods when the zombie scared him off? Huh. Well, anyway, Shane wants him to keep it to protect himself and Carl's like, ALL OF A SUDDEN I AM TOTALLY ANTI-GUN! REPEAL THE SECOND AMENDMENT! Sure, Carl, it was the gun's fault a walker got lured back to the farm and turned Dale's intestines into spaghetti bolognese. You've got no one to blame but yourself, young man!

Lori also has a totally random confessional with Shane, admitting that she's not sure who the baby's father is, and apologizing for pretty much being such an annoying unlikeable person in every episode of this show. She also thanks him for "being there" for her back in Atlanta, and Shane does his patented Robert De Niro Face as she walks off and you know he's thinking that he'd like to be there for her again, maybe from behind this time.

Shane tells Rick about Carl's admission and gives Rick a raft of shit for focusing on the Randall situation instead of Carl. Rick goes off and has a super motivating talk with Carl about how everyone's going to die—Dad, Mom, everyone! There's no way to prepare for death! Which is why you should keep the gun, Carl. I'm not tracking that logic but whatever: Carl has the gun again, which nicely matches his cowboy hat.

Next, Shane appears in the barn where Randall's being held prisoner, and holy unflattering psychotic camera angles, Shane looks crazier than a shithouse rat. He mouthbreathes over Randall for a while, slaps his own face a few times, then fixates on Randall's blood-slimed handcuffed wrists. Hmmmmmm, what're you thinking, Shane?

T-Dog shows up to 1) received the allotted 10 seconds of camera time for the black guy, and 2) get Randall from the barn, and WTF, Randall's gone. Ah, that's what Shane was thinking.

Shane drags Randall off into the woods and pretends that he's going to join Randall's group and Randall's like, dude, you're going to love it! You'll fit in so awesome, especially if you like raping women! You do like raping, don't you? Sorry I keep talking but I'm kinda nervous since you're obviously mentally deranged! Shane then does something to Randall behind a tree that makes a gruesome snapping noise, then steps back into view and breaks his own nose against a tree so he has an injury to explain Randall's escape. Wow, Shane's the king of method acting! Suck it, Christian Bale!

Shane runs up to the group and calls for help, and the men pair off to find Randall the Surprisingly Adept Nose-Breaking Escaper. Daryl and Glenn are on Randall's trail, when hey, here comes Randall! Only, that's weird, he's walking kind of funny. AHHH ZOMBIE RANDALL.

We barely have a moment to ponder over the fact that Randall got zombified from a broken neck, not bite wounds, when Shane and Rick find themselves in an open field under a full moon. Things seem tense. Are they going to ... make out? I'm just saying, there's kind of been an aggressive Brokeback Mountain vibe happening between these two for a while now. But no, Shane's got a gun out. Rick realizes he's about to be killed. Shane eggs him on, hoping for an old-fashioned duel. Pistols at dawn, Rick! It looks like Rick's going to pull a tricky draw on Shane, but just as Rick stretches out one hand to put down his gun (while all the while Shane fails to actually shoot him, preferring to adhere to the traditional bad guy strategy of talking through his diabolical plan), surprise! Here comes Rick's other hand, and it's got a knife!

Shane dies, choking on his own blood, while Rick weeps for his onetime BFF. He's also not leaving Shane's body, presumably because he knows Shane's going to reanimate. Isn't that what Jenner whispered to him back at the CDC, that everyone is infected, and everyone becomes a walker after death? This is my theory, and I'm sticking to it.

Suddenly, Carl shows up. God damn, doesn't anyone EVER keep track of this kid? Carl's all teary over Shane's dead body and he raises Daryl's gun. It certainly appears that he's aiming the gun at his dad, since Shane is still lying there on the ground, but wait, yep, here comes Zombie Shane. He looks pretty much exactly as psycho as Living Shane, except with whitish contact lenses. And pow, Carl puts him down.

Elsewhere in the woods, a giant mess of zombies hear the gunshot. We won't dwell on the fact that there have certainly been gunshots before, the point is: oh shit. As the moonlit scene draws to an end, a crowd of walkers are lurching through the field, heading towards Rick and Carl and the previously-safe farmhouse.


Well, after a season that started out spinning its wheels for way too long on the increasingly uninteresting Search for Sophia, tonight's episode was certainly a doozy. I'm a little sorry to see the last of Shane, but I'm glad to move on from his creepy Lori obsession, and I'm equally glad to see some major danger finally befall the farm. Next week is the finale, and I'm dying (har!) to see who survives the oncoming walker battle. T-Dog, it might be time to review your contract.

Are you sad that Shane got killed tonight, or were you glad to see him go?

Image via AMC

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