If there's one thing I hate about the Oscars (about every awards show, actually), it's the consistently canned, cheesy quality of the ceremony. Of course I still watch the Academy Awards every year, but it's only in the hopes of catching some gloriously unscripted moment of spontaneous hilarity: a wardrobe malfunction, an onstage nervous breakdown, a teleprompter catastrophe ... anything to keep my eyes from closing before 2 a.m. or whenever the show wraps up.
The good news about this year's broadcast? Despite host Billy Crystal doing his best to bring the canned cheese, the show (that's including the red carpet walk, natch) definitely had its share of "Hey, that was actually funny!" moments ...
These were my 5 favorites:
1. Chris Rock single-handedly calls Hollywood out for being self-important.
Sheer brilliance. Taking the podium to present the award for Best Animated Film, Rock launched into the following diatribe:
I hate when people go on TV and tell you about how animation is such hard work. "Oh, Jay, it's such hard work, it's so hard doing animation, getting into character" ... no, no, no. UPS is hard work, okay? Stripping wood is hard work.
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He then went on to talk about his own experiences doing voiceovers for animated movies.
I go in a booth and I go, "Uh, what's the line?" And the guy goes, "It's time to go to the store." And then I go, "It's time to go to the store!"
And then they give me a million dollars!
2. The Bridesmaids cast single-handedly makes the Best Documentary Film categories interesting.
God bless Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph for making this entendre-laden dialogue work on the Stuffiest Night in Hollywood:
Wiig: "See, I'd rather have a short film with some heft that's nice to me, rather than a long film that just lies there and makes you do all the work."
Rudolph: "Yeah, but sometimes a film can be too long."
Wiig: "Not for me! Not for me ..."
3. A nun single-handedly upstages Sacha Baron Cohen.
My first reaction to that random nun bopping around on the red carpet? "Wow, Sacha Baron Cohen is completely unrecognizable this time!" Alas, that habit wasn't another Borat-esque disguise -- that was a real, live nun (Mother Dolores Hart, subject of the Oscar-nominated documentary God Is the Bigger Elvis).
4. J. Lo's rack single-handedly upstages her rump.
For anyone out there who's still not sure if they were actually looking at J. Lo's center boob (it's the new side boob, haven't you heard?), perhaps this will clear things up for you: My 10-year-old daughter spotted the "wardrobe malfunction" before I did. That's how obvious it was.
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5. Mysterious feedback single-handedly upstages everybody's acceptance speeches.
If you kept trying to adjust the sound settings on your TV in between acceptance speeches, you weren't alone. Lots of people heard that weird video game-esque feedback buzzing inexplicably through all the live scenes -- enough people, in fact, for #YoOscarsSoundGuy to trend almost instantly on Twitter. Are technical difficulties entertaining? At least the noise kept my Billy Crystal-induced narcolepsy at bay.
Miss any of these moments? Check out the nun moving in on Maya Rudolph's red carpet interview below.
What was your favorite unscripted Academy Awards 2012 moment?
Image via Perez Hilton