Earlier this week I was flabbergasted when Paris Hilton a) turned 31 and b) won $30,000 in Vegas. I didn't think there were any more Paris shockers in store for me, but what do you know, the heiress done done it again. "Drunk Text" has just been released and it's Paris' new "song" accompanied by one stellar "music" video.
You know, I hesitate to use musical terminology to describe this piece of work because I'm pretty sure what I'm hearing isn't anything that fits within the definition of music. There's a beat, there's some words, there's some writhing in front of bright strobe lights, but there's no singing, there's no melody, and there's certainly no soul.
It's Paris Hilton to a tee.
The sonnnn -- OK. We gotta come up with another word for this. It's not a s-o-n-g. So let's go with ... Paris Hilton's Auto-Tuned Spoken Word Drunk Auto-Correct Anthem.
So, Paris Hilton's Auto-Tuned Spoken Word Drunk Auto-Correct Anthem starts out like this: "I went out. To the club. The other night. Tuh. You know. Dance with my bitches." And it just gets worse from there.
She describes what drunk texting is all about and how you shouldn't worry about it because it's meaningless and annoying and ha ha ha I'm 31 and wasted and still doing this. It's just so sad. Also? She talks about taking shots of vodka. Who shoots vodka. Come on.
Anyone who feels good about putting this out there on the market and isn't embarrassed out of their mind to promote it has got some gumption. So cheers, Paris. Drunk text me l8er!!! Kthxbai.
Watch if you dare:
What do you think of Paris Hilton's Auto-Tuned Spoken Word Drunk Auto-Correct Anthem?
Photo is video screenshot