joann of bensonhurstIt's one of the great questions of life, one we all ponder from time to time: Snooki or Kim Kardashian? Who is the greater reality TV star? Resident sage and leopard print aficionado JoAnn from Bensonhurst pondered this philosophical riddle the other day at the beauty shop Razzle Dazzle, in between touching-up her roots and getting those long, gorgeous nails of her painted. And she had some compelling advice on how to keep it classy if you're a reality TV star.

First of all, the obvious: Of course JoAnn likes Kim better than Snooki! JoAnn loves all the Kardashians because they all have something different to offer. "Kim brings beauty to the table, with all the guys she's bangin'." And while both Kim and Snooki have great asses, something about Kim's is just classier. "Her ass is more classy than Snooki's." So there's that. Kim has a classy ass.

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But there's also Snooki's promiscuous ways. She gives her chicken away to any guy who walks by. Oh -- you're not familiar with this term, "chicken" -- ??? It's JoAnn's way of referring to the inner sanctum of lady parts. And for some reason, I clasp my knees together every time she says it. Here's the advice JoAnn would give Snooki if she were her daughter.

First of all, Snooki, I'd put a chastity belt around that chicken over there that you got that you're selling to all the guys. And I'd make you calm down a bit! You're out there too much. You're gonna get a disease, girl. Something like gonorrhea, syphilis, you give it to this guy and that guy. Stop giving away your chicken for free!

Come to think of it, how do we know Snooki hasn't already gotten a disease? Okay, never mind, I don't want to know. What I DO want to know is why it's okay for Kim to "bang" all those guys but not for Snooki to give away her chicken so much? And what makes Kim's ass classier? Is it the relative absence of fluorescent lycra on its exterior?

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Anyway, now you know. If you ever get it into your head to be a reality TV star, don't eat bugs, don't give away your chicken to everyone, and maintain a classy ass.

Who do you like better, Snooki or Kim?

 

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