Stephen Colbert is more than just a brilliantly clever and hilarious late night talk show host. For many of us, Stephen Colbert is the lone voice of reason rising above a cacophony of political crazy talk. Yes, The Colbert Report is a guaranteed laugh at the end of a long day, but it serves a much greater purpose: Sanity restoration for the nation.
So the Report's unscheduled, unexplained break in filming this week alarms me on various levels.
Update: According to reports, Colbert has suspended production temporarily because of a family emergency.
Of course my first concern is for the well-being of Colbert, the person. But beyond that?
What if I go into Stephen Colbert withdrawal? What if we all go into Stephen Colbert withdrawal?! Without our nightly fix, it's a distinct possibility ... and I'm afraid it won't be pretty.
Do yourself and your loved ones a favor and keep a close watch for the following symptoms (treatment options include marathon, back-to-back viewings of repeat Report episodes):
The 5 Stages of Stephen Colbert Withdrawal
1. The sudden ability to see footage and/or photos of Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, and/or Rick Santorum without gagging.
2. The equally sudden urge to walk into your nearest CVS/Target/Walmart-type establishment and make a big fuss about the condom display and how it's brainwashing teens into having sex.
3. Violent, uncontrollable shaking.
4. An equally violent, uncontrollable craving for Ben & Jerry's "Americone Dream" requiring 10 to 15 pints of the ice cream administered via I.V. drip.
5. (Warning: The final stage of Stephen Colbert withdrawal is almost too terrifying to contemplate!) In the Report's absence, you decide to try watching Fox News ... and you like it. You like it a lot.
See what I mean? Don't let this happen to you. An un-brainwashed by conservatives mind is a terrible thing to waste!
Quick, watch this clip before your Colbert levels drop too low!
Are you having symptoms of Stephen Colbert withdrawal?
Image via comedycentral/YouTube