It's been a while since we've talked about Pippa Middleton, so please, let's engage. Where has she been? What's she been wearing? What has she been up to? We (I) would very much like answers.
Well, for starters, Pippa has been with the rest of the Middleton clan (and Prince William) on "holiday" on the super exclusive Caribbean island of Mustique. As for what she's been wearing, well, that remains kind of a mystery, as the Middleton vacation has been kept under semi-serious wraps (but we do know she's been seen in a Lotty B swimsuit). As for what she's been up to, well, we discussed the aforementioned vacation, but also, she's been busy getting offered cash. Lots and lots and lots of cash. To do the one thing we've been waiting for her to do ever since she graced the red carpet of the royal wedding: Open her mouth. And, like, have words come out.
War is upon England, my friends. A bidding war. And it pertains to Duchess Catherine's younger sister with the derriere that launched a thousand tweets. Word is offers for Pippa's first television interview are currently topping out at $500,000. That's half a million dollars, people. For somebody who isn't even royalty. Just royalty-adjacent. And the weird thing is, save for Catherine, I kind of couldn't think of an interview I'd rather see more.
Pippa's entire celebritydom has been based, thus far, on mystique. She doesn't give interviews. She rarely smiles for the camera. And we really know very little about her. Yet we all remain obsessed. We troll the Internet for her, buy magazines with her on the cover, and TiVo E! specials about her (we all do that, right?). As strange as it is, the woman we know nothing about -- the woman who could potentially be as dull as ditch water -- kind of deserves that much for an interview. Because everyone will tune in.
Who should it be with, though. Dear God, if she does give in, please, please let it not be with Barbara Walters. (Babs, who named Pippa one of 2011's "Most Fascinating People," denies rumors that she's pressuring ABC to pay Pippa that much for an interview, though says she'd "love" to do one.) Oprah would be okay. She, too, is vying for an interview. And apparently, she's told execs at her network to "pull out all the stops" to nail one. I tend to rather enjoy O's interviews. She usually gets to the heart of things, and I think she'd make Pippa feel more comfortable than stuffy, old school Walters.
Regardless of who nabs the interview, I'll be watching. And for $500,000, networks better hope all my friends are, too.
Would you tune into a Pippa Middleton interview? Who would you love to see interviewed?
Image via ozziebackpacker/Flickr