You'd think Joan Rivers and Chelsea Handler would have a lot in common. After all, they both have shows on E!, they're both known for their foul-mouthed acerbic wit, and they're both blonde ... er, sort of.
Judging by their recent back-to-back appearances on Howard Stern's XM radio show, however, these two are working on creating the biggest comedy-industry feud since Team Coco and Team Jay.
Unfortunately, instead of creatively drawing on their wealth of comedic talent and roasting abilities, Rivers and Chandler have both resorted to a flurry of ridiculous grade-school insults.
According to Rivers, the two had a falling out after a network event when Handler reportedly went all Mean Girls and snubbed Rivers for no good reason. Handler's side of the story is a little different:
Joan Rivers gets up and she's like, I'd like to thank Chelsea Handler for giving me a career in comedy (mock laughing), and congratulations on your stage Chelsea because I don't even have a dressing room. And I'm like, f**k off!
Ugh, this already sounds too stupid for words, but it gets worse: Handler appeared live in Howard Stern's studio on Monday and went off on Rivers:
Joan Rivers? What the f**k do I care about Joan Rivers? ... I don't think about her ever.
Naturally, Rivers appeared on Stern's show one day later and fired back at Handler:
Number one, the girl made it on her back f**king the president, we all know that, of the network. Number two, she's fine, she's ordinary. She's not a genius.
Okay, I was initially siding with Rivers in this catfight, since her original comment didn't sound all that antagonistic (I'm guessing the dressing room jab had less to do with Chelsea and more to do with the network)—but really, this is a low blow. It's true that Handler had a four-year relationship with the president of Comcast, but damn, implying that she only has a career because she was sleeping with the guy is a pretty crappy thing to say.
Of course, Rivers didn't stop there:
Whatever she is, she's a drunk. I don't wish her good luck, I don't wish her bad luck. I don't think she's particularly funny. But don't you come after me, you whore.
The winner in this whole mess? Probably Howard Stern, since he's the guy who enticed them both to act like bitchy sorority sisters on camera:
Between the two, I like Rivers more than Handler. Ever since I watched her 2010 documentary Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work, I've had an enormous amount of respect for her work ethic, even if I don't always love the results (meh to the fashion snarking stuff). But this silly feud just makes both women look stupid, and it's too bad. They're smart, funny, and at the very least, fully capable of dishing out better insults than "fuck off, you whore."
Who do you think comes out looking better in this fight, Rivers or Handler? Or neither?
Images via YouTube