Oh no, Johnny, not you too! We were a little bummed to hear about Katy Perry and Russell Brand planning to divorce over the holidays. But now there are rumors that Johnny Depp is "quietly" talking with lawyers about splitting with his partner of 15 years, French actress Vanessa Paradis. Quelle horreur! And also, how quiet is he being if the news has reached the likes of me? I'm not exactly within whispering distance of Johnny and his lawyers.
Anyway, this is all very upsetting and I desperately hope it's not true. I always thought the couple had the ideal anti-Hollywood relationship. They live in a castle in France, for crying out loud (when they're not hanging out on their own private tropical island), they have two kids, and they've been together for like a century in Actor Years. Can this partnership be saved? Can we stage an intervention? Somebody, quick, get Dr. Phil! We have to fix this!
Un-named sources (our favorite kind, SIGH) told Radar that "Johnny isn't handling anything well right now," and "People around him are worried about how Johnny is doing because he and Vanessa seem so fractured right now. Their relationship is heading toward the end."
Uh-oh, sounds like Johnny has issues. Has stardom finally gone to his head, or is he headed for a breakdown? In every interview I've ever read, Johnny comes off as kind of on the edge -- short attention span, up all night, manic. But hey, we've got resources for that! Dr. Phil has his nifty article, "Marriage Survival Guide for Tough Times." Yeah, can we get them to read that? Or what about 7 Principles for Making a Marriage Work -- my friend says it saved her marriage, seriously. Do you two need me to set an appointment with a great marriage therapist? Because I will do the research and make the phone calls for you. We can work this out, the three of us. I mean -- the two of you.
Look, I know what it's like to live with a manic creative guy. Okay, my husband isn't a multi-millionaire movie star. But he's brilliant/crazy, and that's, shall we say, challenging for a relationship. Throw in kids and the occasional professional disappointment (no matter how successful you are overall) and life can turn into a roller coaster ride. But second to my own marriage, of course, this is the one relationship I don't want to see go bust.
Would you be sad to see Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis split?
Image via Frazer Harrison/Getty
Something my kids handmade
A fun holiday at home with my family
Some time off!
Something just for me, like a plush robe