Kardashian Christmas Card Reveals Family Secrets!

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kardashian christmas card
Kardashian 2011 Christmas Card
Merry Kristmas, Kardashian fans! Yes, it's that time of year of year again: Time for the Kardashians to send out their Christmas cards! And if you thought last year's elaborately staged glamour shot was "ho ho haute," just wait until you hear what Kris Kringle (clearly he's a relation of the Kardash clan) is hiding up his sleeve this year ...

Two versions of photographer Nick Saglimbeni's Kardashian holiday tableau: First, one for regular viewing, and a second image that's exactly the same, except it's in 3D

Dang, I knew I should have saved those glasses from the last Harry Potter movie!

Oh well. Either way, the Kardashian Christmas card is very revealing. You know what they say, a picture is worth a thousand words (for 3D photo after the jump, viewers need a pair of standard Red/Cyan Anaglyphic glasses).

Kardashian 2011 3D Christmas Card
Kardashian 2011 3D Christmas Card
This photo is like a text-free version of that  family newsletter your annoying cousin sends every year: "Bobby's science fair project was a big hit! He learned lots about the solar system!"

Anyway. I'd say this telltale image presents the perfect opportunity to play a round of "Fill in the imaginary thought bubble over the celebrity's head!"

Here we go, from left to right: "What was the Kardashian thinking?"

Rob Kardashian: How long is this thing gonna take? I did Dancing with the Stars, wasn't that enough? I have my own life, when are these people gonna realize ... heeeey. Who's that girl over there, fooling around with the lights? She's pretty hot. I should get her number.

Kendall Jenner: Argh! I just can't decide what to wear to my Sweet 16 party! All I wanted was a tiny little get-together, but no! Now I have to have this big huge deal and my outfit has to be perfect. I'm so annoyed!

Kylie Jenner: Ow. This position is really uncomfortable. I don't know if I can keep holding my arm at this weird angle. And my ponytail is so heavy I can't keep my head up. This is harder than walking the runway for Avril Lavigne!

Bruce Jenner: I should be wearing one of those t-shirts that says "I'd rather be playing golf." Or "I'd rather be eating a big bowl of Wheaties."

Kris Jenner: Oh yeah, I look good in this dress. I ask you: Is this the body of a 56-year-old woman? Damn right it's not.

Khloe Kardashian: The stars at night, are big and bright ... deep in the heart of Texas! If Kim ever calls me a troll again, I swear I'm gonna ... okay, take a deep breath. Happy thoughts. The stars at night ...

Lamar Odom: This is definitely not what I pictured life as a pro basketball player to be like.

Kim Kardashian: I am a strong woman, standing alone. I am looking ahead. I am wearing wide-leg pants AND my hair is pulled back! I am no-nonsense. I don't need no stinking man. Don't mess with me.

Mason Disick: I believe I requested a sippy cup of juice nearly five minutes ago. How difficult is it to bring the most handsome child in the world a sippy cup of juice? Heads. Will. Roll.

Kourtney Kardashian: Pretty soon this belt isn't gonna fit anymore. Might as well turn up the sexy now, while I still can. God, I forgot how much morning sickness sucks.

Scott Disick: That was an awesome thing I did, taking the blame for Humphries' party. See that, America? Scott Disick is a good guy. Take me seriously.

What do you think of the 2011 Kardashian Christmas Card?

 

Image via Nick Saglimbeni (© 2011), using his patented Saglimbeni3D camera system.

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Stacey. Stacey.

I think I like the giant nipples they posed in front of, maybe next year they can have a dick theme.

Boobo... Boobookittt74

LMAO at Masons thoughts!!!

jlynx0 jlynx0

I died laughing at Mason's thoughts!

shiva... shivasgirl

I wonder how emasculated Buce Jenner feels being labled a Kardashian?

Lucky... LuckyBrenda444

Mason's thoughts are toooooo funny!

nonmember avatar Janie

Airbrush anyone?? These people are GROSS. Stop buying their crap & watching their "show".

nonmember avatar Maggie Gallaghe

I am sick of the Kardashians. I want them to go away. I do not watch their shows any more. That phony wedding was the end for me.

nonmember avatar Courtney

Mason is to cute he really looks like a kardashian lol and a reply to the last comment if your sick of the kardashians then why are you still reading these blogs about them grow up what are you 12

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