Gleeks, let's get real. As much as I say I watch Glee for the music, I have ulterior motives. I'm just waiting to hear what dart Jane Lynch can throw out at old Butt Chin Schuester this week.
Lynch has made insulting people Golden Globe worthy. Frankly, I you haven't been truly insulted until Sue Sylvester has turned her acid tongue on you. With just days (squee!) to go until the spring premiere on Tuesday, I can't think of a better way to celebrate than revisiting some of the nastiest (and most hilarious) ways our favorite track-suited cheerleading coach has cut folks down to size:
- To Brittany and Santana: You may be the two stupidest teens I've ever encountered. And that's saying something. I once taught a cheerleading seminar to a young Sarah Palin.
- To Mr. Schue: I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves who live in your hair.
- To Coach Bieste: Why don't you hurry on to your next face-widening session at the John Travolta Institute for Head Thickening and Facial Weight Gain?
- To Mr. Schue: I thought you might wanna put all of out of our misery and shave off that Chia Pet.
- About Todd Palin: I made plans to shoot reindeer from my helicopter with Sarah Palin, but she canceled. Apparently Todd gets fussy when she misses his ballet recitals.
- To Sandy Ryerson: How is it that you manage to sneak into this school without setting off all of the fire alarms?
- To Brittany and Santana: Hello, Tweedle Stupid, Tweedle Fake Boobs.
- To Mr. Schue: Seriously, you wear more vests than the cast of Blossom.
- To Emma Pillsbury: Are you still at freakishbonyginger@gmail?
- To Quinn and Santana: This is what we call a total disaster ladies. I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. That's the smell of failure and it's stinking up my office.
- To Santana: Boobs McGee, you're demoted to the bottom of the pyramid, so when it collapses, your exploding sandbags will keep everyone safe from injury.
- To Quinn: You know Q, when I first laid eyes on you, I was reminded of a young Sue Sylvester, though you don't have my bone structure.
- To Santana: A person that has to pump her naughties full of gravy to feel good about herself clearly doesn't have the self-esteem to be my head cheerleader.
- To Mr. Schue: You know what they say? Those who can't, teach. Turns out, maybe you actually can. Think about that the next time you prop your butt chin up on one of those little toilets.
- To Mr. Schue: I suggest selling yourself on Craigslist under the heading of "Men seeking Men with butt chins."
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What's your favorite Sue Sylvester-ism? Do you find yourself watching just to see who she'll zing?
Image via Fox