Britney Spears Is Only 30 Years Old? Impossible!

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Britney Spears turned 30 today, and quick glance around the many entertainment articles devoted to her shows that for the most part, this makes people feel really, really old. After all, most of us can remember Spears as a fresh-faced (if slightly slutty) teenage schoolgirl from her iconic "Hit Me Baby One More Time" video from 1999.

(Man, remember 1999? We all thought our microwaves and passenger jets and nuclear power plants were about to blow up on New Year's Eve. LOL!)

Personally, I'm much more disturbed by the fact that Ralph Macchio, karate kid, is now eligible for AARP. As for Britney Spears, I'm actually sort of surprised she's only 30—she's packed so much into the last two decades it seems like she should be much, much older.

In honor of Ms. Spears big day, let's review some of her best (and, of course, worst) moments:

1993: Britney joins the Mickey Mouse Club. Smartest move ever, since whatever studio executives were feeding those kids back then basically resulted in Hollywood pumping out one star after another. Mouse castmembers included Keri Russell, JC Chasez, Christina Aguilera, Ryan Gosling (what!), and of course, adorable curly-haired moppet Justin Timberlake.

1998/1999. "Hit Me Baby One More Time."
Britney launches thousands of inappropriate boners across America with her pigtails and miniskirt.

2001: Three words: VMA snake costume.
Remember the "I'm a Slave 4 U" performance? With the rock hard abs and massive albino python and all? Yeah you do. Don't even lie.

2002: Britney stars in Crossroads.
She makes her movie acting debut to rave reviews! Ha ha ha just kidding it was totally the worst movie ever made.

2004: Regrettable marriage #1.
The craziness begins with a quickie Vegas wedding to some yahoo named Jason Alexander. A few days later, once she sobers up, the marriage is annulled.

2004: Regrettable marriage #2.
Ah, Kevin Federline. PopoZao!

2005: Sean Preston is born.
Exactly one year later, Jayden James is born. Damn, K-Fed.

2007: Um, this happened.




2008. A really bad year.
Let's see, she was hauled off to the hospital, her dad was granted conservatorship over her affairs (for which he is paid a jaw-dropping $16,000 a month TO THIS DAY),  and K-Fed got custody of their children. On a happier note, she released "Circus" at the end of the year and it was pretty damn catchy. (Womanizer woman-womanizer oh you're a womanizer oh you-you-you are neener neener now it's stuck in YOUR head.)

2010: She gets a whole freakin' Glee episode dedicated to her.
The abs may not be quite as hard, but Britney's back, bitch.

December 2, 2011: Britney celebrates her birthday in Mexico,
where she's currently on her Femme Fatale tour. She's sold millions and millions of records, has two adorable sons, has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, won a grammy for "Toxic," and seems to have a healthy thing going on with boyfriend Jason Trawick. All this, and she's only 30 years old. Pretty impressive, if you ask me.

Do you think Britney's biggest moments of fame are behind her, or do you predict she'll continue to be successful in her thirties?


Image via Flickr/chicagofabulous

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