5 Reasons Ben Gibbard Is Better Off Without Zooey Deschanel

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zooey deschanel ben gibbardHipster hearts across the nation are breaking in two today, because actress Zooey Deschanel and Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard have called it quits. That's right, the indie couple extraordinaire have made the announcement that they're ending their two-year marriage. It was "mutual and amicable," of course. If those two alt kids can't make it, who can, amirite?

Kidding aside -- and in the wake of other "short-lived" celebrity marriages -- I think these two long-haired folk actually did the right thing. Especially Ben. Being married to the lovely Zooey Deschanel can't be a walk in the park. So, here are five reasons the dude's better off without her.

She's so dang busy. Not only is Zooey on the Fox show, New Girl, she also plays in the band "She and Him," which, incidentally, is releasing a Christmas album, and she helps run the website, Hello Giggles, as well. When the hell did he see her?

He's in a band. Which means that not only is she busy, but he's busy. He may not be involved with as many projects as his soon-to-be ex-wife, but Death Cab is super popular. And they tour. So, odds are, when she was home, he was gone. Plus, dude, you're a young guy in a band. No need to settle down at 35, if you know what I'm sayin'.

She totally had the upper hand. In addition to Zooey being markedly more famous than Ben (which never winds up working for Hollywood couples), things that have been said -- by both parties -- hint at a gross imbalance of power in their relationship. For instance, Ben said that when their mutual manager introduced them three years ago, he "was awestruck that she was even talking to [him]." While Zooey has said of their busy schedules keeping them apart, "He's really good at calling. He's probably better than I am. He's a very conscientious person." Mmm-hmm.

Her diet is exhausting. A few seasons ago on Top Chef Masters, Zooey revealed that she's not only vegan, but she doesn't eat gluten or soy. What the hell does she eat? Finding a restaurant she'd be able to dine at had to be a giant pain in the ass.

They only knew each other a year before getting married. That's never a good idea. No matter how in love you are. Annoyances and quirks can come up even four years in. Who knows what kind of bullets Ben's dodging?

I hope both Ben and Zooey find the beautiful, unique, folksy kind of love they're looking for someday. Their time just wasn't now, though. Her schedule didn't permit. 

Do you think Ben is better off without Zooey?

 

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