Demi and Ashton Have Us All Fooled About Breakup

demi moore and ashton kutcher photoSo by now we've all heard the latest Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher splitsville rumors and talk of his supposed infidelity with another hot, young stripper-like blonde. We've vented about Ashton's scuzziness, Demi's weirdness, and the couple's oversharing and exhibitionism. There has been endless speculation about whether the stars are in fact heading for divorce, cries of "I told you they wouldn't last -- she's too old for him!", and obsessive scrutiny of the cryptic messages on their Twitter feeds.

I'm here to tell you to stop wondering about it, blogging about it, crying about it, laughing about it, acting all-up-in-our-faces-expert-on-the-Kutchers about it. These rumors? Aren't true. We've been duped into believing this so-called breakup is imminent or already has happened, when it's just a bunch of BS. Effectively, we've been punk'd.

How am I so sure, you ask?

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Easy. Don't you think the timing is just a teeny tiny bit suspect? I mean, he's just taken over for Charlie Sheen as the star of Two and a Half Men (to downright horrid reviews). She's promoting Five, a Lifetime movie anthology about breast cancer that she helped direct along with Alicia Keys and Jennifer Aniston. While Ashton's debut performance -- and the killing off of Charlie's character -- were watched by pretty much everyone in the country, the subsequent episodes may not be because, well, old Ash is LOSING. Plus who among the general population knows much about Demi's latest project? Um, no one. Unless you happen to live in New York and read those ads strategically placed on the tops of taxis.

Enter the perfect PR tool: the breakup, fueled by talk of cheating, secrets, betrayal, and lies. Oh, and strippers ... SORRY -- escorts. Or hot young things who look like strippers ... er, escorts. Worked for Charlie Sheen, didn't it? How often did his public drunkenness, violence against women, marital trainwrecks, antics with adult film actresses, and drug-adled rants make Men shoot up in the ratings? Try always.

Other than walking down the aisle or getting knocked up, a juicy, well-placed split story is the best way to get attention -- and compel people to watch your show or go see your movie. Come on. You know I'm right. You're just feeling a little silly and mad you didn't think of this earlier. You could have saved a lot of time before you waxed philosophical on your blog about the end of the DemiAshton era and the demise of the dream that older women-younger men relationships actually work. (Which they can, by the way. And I refuse to use the word "cougar." So offensive.)

Even if they do call it quits, you still won't convince me that some of this stuff wasn't deliberately leaked by their people to ramp up interest in their little projects. So let's wise up, shall we? In Hollywood, it's all about the marketing.

Do you believe that Demi and Ashton are really on the rocks?

 

Image via TechCrunch50-2008/Flickr

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