He'll be baaaaaaack. Proving you can't keep a maid-banging wife-cheating out-of-wedlock-sperminating man down for long, Arnold Schwarzenegger is moving ahead with his triumphant return to the big screen. Even though it was just two months ago that he dramatically announced all of his Hollywood projects were on hold so he could focus on 'personal matters' (IE, staring confusedly at a box of condoms and wondering what crazy purpose they could possibly serve), Schwarzenegger has reportedly decided to end his acting hiatus with an upcoming Western titled The Last Stand.
The Last Stand will be his first starring role since finishing his term as governor of Cowl-ifornia, and lucky for his limited acting talents, the character he's playing is an Austrian-accented border sheriff. (Because I know that's what I think of when I think of Westerns: thick German dialects. "I reckon it is nod a toomah.")
The movie is scheduled to hit theaters next year, and despite any perfectly understandable misgivings one might have about Schwarzenegger's ability to work his action hero fame at 64 years old or take on a hard-boiled Clint Eastwood-esque role, I suspect he did himself an enormous favor with that little marriage-destroying scandal of his.
I mean, you know people will come see this movie out of pure curiosity at this point. Yeah, so he fathered a child with his housekeeper which caused his wife Maria Shriver to dump his sorry steroid-riddled ass, but while that may not have been a great move for continuing his political career, it's perfect for stepping back into the Hollywood limelight.
Scandals capture our attention, and what more can a producer hope for than an elevated level of public interest in their movie's main star? The actions of his, ah, "Little Arnold" won't be quite as fresh on our minds by the time The Last Stand comes out, but I can guarantee every last detail will be lovingly revisited in the media once the the promotional campaign ramps up.
Plus, whether or not he's a cheating skeezebag, he's a film icon. If nothing else, we'll want to see just what he looks like back on the silver screen. Will he be kinda plastic and mostly horrifying like he was in his Expendables cameo? Will the plot involve some convoluted excuse for him to show off his biceps? Will someone give him a humorous one-liner that sneakily references his fall from grace? (Please say yes. Please say yes.) Only way to know for sure is to watch, and I'm guessing ticket sales are going to soar.
What do you think—will Ah-nold's scandal help revive his film career?
Image via Flickr/Lon Fong