Arnold Schwarzenegger Promotes New Movie in Worst Way Possible


He'll be baaaaaaack. Proving you can't keep a maid-banging wife-cheating out-of-wedlock-sperminating man down for long, Arnold Schwarzenegger is moving ahead with his triumphant return to the big screen. Even though it was just two months ago that he dramatically announced all of his Hollywood projects were on hold so he could focus on 'personal matters' (IE, staring confusedly at a box of condoms and wondering what crazy purpose they could possibly serve), Schwarzenegger has reportedly decided to end his acting hiatus with an upcoming Western titled The Last Stand.

The Last Stand will be his first starring role since finishing his term as governor of Cowl-ifornia, and lucky for his limited acting talents, the character he's playing is an Austrian-accented border sheriff. (Because I know that's what I think of when I think of Westerns: thick German dialects. "I reckon it is nod a toomah.")

The movie is scheduled to hit theaters next year, and despite any perfectly understandable misgivings one might have about Schwarzenegger's ability to work his action hero fame at 64 years old or take on a hard-boiled Clint Eastwood-esque role, I suspect he did himself an enormous favor with that little marriage-destroying scandal of his.

I mean, you know people will come see this movie out of pure curiosity at this point. Yeah, so he fathered a child with his housekeeper which caused his wife Maria Shriver to dump his sorry steroid-riddled ass, but while that may not have been a great move for continuing his political career, it's perfect for stepping back into the Hollywood limelight.

Scandals capture our attention, and what more can a producer hope for than an elevated level of public interest in their movie's main star? The actions of his, ah, "Little Arnold" won't be quite as fresh on our minds by the time The Last Stand comes out, but I can guarantee every last detail will be lovingly revisited in the media once the the promotional campaign ramps up.

Plus, whether or not he's a cheating skeezebag, he's a film icon. If nothing else, we'll want to see just what he looks like back on the silver screen. Will he be kinda plastic and mostly horrifying like he was in his Expendables cameo? Will the plot involve some convoluted excuse for him to show off his biceps? Will someone give him a humorous one-liner that sneakily references his fall from grace? (Please say yes. Please say yes.) Only way to know for sure is to watch, and I'm guessing ticket sales are going to soar.

What do you think—will Ah-nold's scandal help revive his film career?

Image via Flickr/Lon Fong



To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

nonmember avatar Honorary

OMG must we endure these female rants? Maria BROKE HER VOWS! She took him for better or worse, got 24 years of better and bails. WTF?? Think people!!

lovin... lovinallofthem

:-)   sadly, i know my sister and mom will pay to see an action film no matter WHOOOOO stars/appears in it... so it will be fine for him... and Maria will go on with her life too... and really==Honorary====  the vows also include FAITHFUL(i promise to honor you, to be true to you... any variation meaing FAITHFUL))... *sigh* 

nonmember avatar mike iphone 5

It was about time Arnold got back in Hollywood. Maria or no Maria, Arnold is numero uno! The only thing that matters is that he Will Be Back!

nonmember avatar Brianna Cooney

Ex-Governor Arnold in another movie, but wait, isn't he anti-Union?

Did he ever cut up his SAG card, or is he just a hypocrite bashing Unions while all along being a part of one himself?

No one ever has called him on this conflict of interest... just a bunch of Girly Men?
Inquiring minds want to know.

1-4 of 4 comments